Desktop wallpaper http://www.GilmoreMemories.com

I was reading “Watching Your Teens Favorite TV Shows Is Important“  and it brought back a flood of great memories.

I remembered when Kay and I used to watch The Gilmore Girls (2000-2007) together every tuesday night for almost six years.

The Series

This series was not so far off of where we were at that time as a family.

Loreli is a single mother raising her 13 year old daughter Rory in a small town.  Loreli was fairly young when she had Rory so they some what ‘grow up together’ but when push comes to shove in their relationship, and parenting was needed, the series presented life lessons in a humorous but intelligent way.

The Casual Conversation

What was so great about this time together, was we could goof off, have fun, and have a casual conversation.   We talked about everything from college, to fashion, to money, to dating and beyond.  I learned so much about her from 6 years of this casual talk and I’m sure she learned a lot about me.

But the most important thing was we grew closer, we developed a closer relationship, we learned to share with each other, to agree as well as disagree (and if there is one thing you want to be able to do with your pre-teen, it’s learn how to thoughtfully disagree).

Proposing A Solution Before The Problem

The other pre-problem solution I found that worked well was the sharing of a proposed solution for the proposed problem before it became a problem.  For instance, back in the day (about 5 or 6 years ago) before cell phones and texting became so popular, there was IM (instant messaging).  Which is pretty much sending instant short messages on the computer to an individual or group of friends real-time (when they were online at the same time you were and received the message instantly).

I noticed she started acting a little peculiar when I walked past the computer, as if she had something to hide.  After thinking about this for a little while, I decided she needed a personal IM monitor, someone caring, compassionate… her little brother.  After two days of brother IM monitoring Kay came inquiring.  I explained that she seemed to be misusing the computer, her brother loved spending time with her, knew how to read and that I thought they needed to spend more ‘time’ together.  Then I dropped bomb number two, saying “You know, if I can’t trust you on the computer, I can buy key tracking software that will track every letter you type on that keyboard.  Of course, I don’t want to invade your privacy, but I want you to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  I hope you don’t make me do that because I would feel terrible having to spy on you like that”.

Being a pretty bright girl, it only took her seconds to realize that she didn’t want this outcome.  We sat down and talked and came to an agreement.

I never purchased that tracking software and I’m glad I never had to.  Sometimes you can proactively avoid a problem if you communicate a strong, direct message before there really becomes a problem.

Let’s Talk

Have you ever had something that you’ve done with your kids that has opened up your relationship, trust, and brought you so much closer that you would like to share? I think we’d all like to get pointers on what works for staying close to our kids!

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Related Posts:

• Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word
  
• How Technology Helps Me Be A Better Dad
• If 40 Is the New 30, Is 18 the New 8?
• How to Prevent Your Child From Being A TV or Video Game Addict

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by Sara Puls

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” —  Mahatma Gandhi

In June of this year, a teenage girl in New York City was charged with arson, burglary, criminal trespass and felony aggravated animal cruelty after she broke into her ex-roommate’s apartment seeking revenge. Among other destructive actions, she confessed that she put her alleged ex-girlfriend’s kitten in the oven to die and afterward told investigators “I hate cats.”

Animal Abuse Statistics

According to a 1997 study by the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) and Northeastern University, animal abusers are:

• 5x’s more likely to commit violent crimes against people
• 5x’s more likely to commit property crimes

Does this mean that if a child abuses an animal that they are guaranteed to grow up and become a criminal?

Not necessarily, but animal abuse can be an indicator of a deeper problem and it does mean that animal abuse needs to be taken seriously.

How Children May View Animals

Children need to be taught appropriate ways to interact with pets and to be respectful of pets and wildlife roaming in your neighborhood.

Set A Great Example

1. Never hit, shake, jerk or yell at your family pet – your child learns most of their behaviors by observing you.
2. If you overreact in anger toward your pet, show your child that it’s all right to apologize to the pet just as you would apologize to a person.
3. Do not ignore or dismiss pet-unfriendly actions. When dealt with as though they’ve committed a serious offense, most children will not repeat the behavior.
4. If you notice a child harassing or abusing an animal, it’s important to put a stop to it right away!   Treat it seriously even if it doesn’t seem that the animal was really harmed. Depending on the age and intent of the child, some of these could be innocent behaviors, but the opportunity should be used as a teachable moment to ensure the child understands that harassing animals is unacceptable.

Discuss Inappropriate Behavior

Some inappropriate behaviors that you should discuss with your child include:

1. Chasing a fleeing animal
2. Locking a pet in a closet
3. Leaving a pet outdoors for an extended period of time
4. Painting a pet’s body

Beyond Inappropriate Behavior

Some behaviors can indicate a more serious problem, especially if performed habitually or out of anger.

These behaviors may indicate a need for professional help:

1. Giving a pet medications or harmful foods to see what effect it will have
2. Placing a tight rubber band around a paw or tail
3. Putting a small animal in a washing machine, microwave or other appliance
4. Staging fights between dogs or letting one animal chase another
5. Taking pleasure in seeing a frightened or suffering pet
6. Responding to adult reprimands by engaging in hostile acts toward the pet
7. Burning an animal
8. Teasing an animal with firecrackers
9. Repeatedly showing off the inhumane handling of a pet to others
10. Putting an animal in dangerous situations, such as dangling her outside a window or bringing her into the road

What To Do

If you are aware that a child has engaged in the harassment or abuse of an animal:

1.   A simple, clear statement such as, “We don’t hurt animals” is far more effective than lecturing.

2.  Use the same serious tone of voice that you would use if you saw your child running across the street without stopping to look for oncoming traffic.

3.  If your teenager involves the family dog in high-risk activities such as dog fighting, not only should you intervene, but check in to see if your child is being influenced by alcohol, drugs, gambling or other unhealthy behaviors that involve peer pressure.

Remember that for most children, learning empathy and respect toward animals is part of the normal socialization process; they learn these behaviors the same way as learning how to treat other children.

However, if your child persists in harassing or harming your pet in spite of your repeated corrections, consult with your pediatrician, psychiatrist or psychologist.

If your child is an animal lover, the ASPCA has a fun and informational site, called Animaland for kids who want to learn more about how they can help animals and prevent and report animal abuse.

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Related Posts:

• ABC’s Of Empathy:  Teaching Kids To Care -   American Humane
• Animal Cruelty and Family Violence: Making the Connection -  The Humane Society of the United States
• What Pets Can Teach -  Parents Canada
• Understanding the Link Between Animal Abuse and Family Violence -   American Humane

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Guest Author Bio:

Sara Puls is the creator and community manager of BrewCityTails.com, an online community for pet lovers in Southeastern Wisconsin.

She has a B.A. in Psychology & Sociology, a Master’s Degree in Urban Planning, nine years of experience as a parent and over 15 years experience as a pet parent.   She is an expert in bird care and small animal behavior and care, and has provided foster care for dogs and cats.

You can find Sara and @brewcitytails on Twitter and Facebook.

Let’s Talk

What lessons have you learned from pets?

I’m sure love and companionship, but we all know our pets give us much more. We hope you will share your stories with us and our readers in the comments.

My 5-year old son loves his leapfrog.

He loves playing Batman and Diego and entering his name as the “highest scorer” at the end of each game (well, most games).  He also enjoys playing PBS Kids games and the games at KidsAreHeroes.com.

Playing Video Games

And while I’m not a child psychologist, I believe that too much time in front of a video game, is not good for his development. I also believe that the most important thing I can give my son, and what he really wants the most, is my attention.

So we’ve developed the habit of frequently playing these games together.

This allows us to connect with each other on his terms. Plus it allows me to be the game’s “teaching assistant”.

Playing Together Developing our own Games

As we played together, these games would start to “play out” in the other activities we did:

Drawing pictures
Very naturally, my son started drawing pictures of the characters in the video games. He outlined the bowling lanes, the race car tracks, the mazes. This allowed him another way to understand what he was learning. Drawing also allowed me to extend my role of “assistant teacher” into these drawing activities.

Playing games outside
Instead of teaching my son the rules of a game he wasn’t interested in (i.e. Baseball or Soccer), I allowed him to make up the rules. The soccer ball because a cannon ball. Wiffle ball bats became robot arms. He decided how points were won (which was always in his favor…).

Grocery shopping
We developed a habit of counting apples by twos and threes just like he was learning in his games.  We started sounding out the words on cereal boxes. We turned the shopping isles into a giant maze.

Is There a Solution?

I guess my point with all this is that, as parents, often hear  how bad TV and video games are for our kids, but we too quickly conclude that the “solution” to this problem is to “just watch less”.

As a culture, we don’t want to admit that neglecting our kids could be the real problem (ouch!).  We rarely consider other ways to approach the “Too much TV; too many video games” problem. What I learned through my own experience (and again, I’m no Einstein), is that there are ways to naturally bring the attention away from the screen.

Instead of trying to pull them away from the video game, why not join them?  See to understand your child – and the games they play – on their terms.

The validation alone is worth the time spent.

My son’s Karate teacher, Sensei Craig, said something to me one night that always sticks in my mind:

“What kids want more than anything in the world is your time. They want this more than any toy or video game.”

By making my son’s agenda our number one focus, I’ve learned how to better connect with him, and have a great time learning from each other!

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit  his web site.

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Related Posts:

• Video Games: Preschoolers, Gradeschoolers, Pre-teens, and teens (PBS.org)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent? (RemarkableParents.com)
• Parents’ Involvement Key To Motivating Students
• Connecting Parents, Kids & Books

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First Meeting and First Outing (Sherry & Renee)

“Mentoring is not just your relationship between you and the child, but their relationship with their environment (parents, siblings, friends. and authority).”

This post is another building block after Mentoring Comes From the Heart, so if you would like to know who Renee is please read that post first.  Furthermore, I’ve written two more posts on my website about A Mentoring Heart, which is about the day we met; and Responsible for Someone Child, which is about our first outing. 

Lessons Learned

During the 11 years that I mentored I learned a lot about parenting and I’m also doing some of the same things with my boys that I did with Renee.  Some of the lessons my mentoring experience taught me were:

1.  Kids are more respectful to those who respect them.
2.  Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say.
3.  Kids truly want to please adults.
4.  Kids need positive feedback more than negative.
5.  Kids want and need quality time with you.
6.  Kids need to feel special.

Most Valuable Lesson

The most valuable thing I did was getting to know Renee’s family.  By doing that I got a glimpse of her family life and I was able to help her when she struggled with family relationships with her sisters and parents..

Every time I would pick Renee up and spend some quality time with her I would take the extra time and go inside and spend time with the family too.  Usually one of her three older sisters would have something to show me, or something they needed to tell me.  I would also chat with her Mom and see how she was feeling or she would specifically ask me help her with a behavior issue or schoolwork with Renee. 

Then there was the step Father, who was in jail for the first year I knew Renee.  When he was released I made it a point to get to know him and show interest in things he was interested in.  He loved fresh water aquariums and I had one too!  There was my opportunity!

Parallel’s With Parenting

Here is one example of many parallels . . .

Now that almost all of my sons are in school I’m staying plugged into their lives not only here at home but at school too.  Here is the parallel.  Since I’m already the parent and know their home life I need to be plugged into the times where there away from me, which in this occasion is school.  During the school year I stay in contact with the teacher and volunteer once a week. 

By creating a relationship with the teacher I learn her style of teaching and how she runs her classroom.  By knowing this I can better help my sons if they are struggling or have a concern. 

Secondly by volunteering I’m blessed with the opportunity to get to know the other kids that he spends his day with.  That way if he’s struggling with a particular child I have some insight on their personality, and how to better help the situation.  Furthermore, I hole heartedly believe if the other kids know me they are more likely to be nice to my son and not bully him.  

So as you can see this parallel in this example is to be “plugged in“, in all aspects of their lives, which not only makes for a good mentor, but also a Remarkable Parent.  Wow look at how I fit that right in there!  j/k

What I Got

So for me being a mentor was nothing less than a gift for my family and our future in many ways.  Such as:

*  I learned just as much or more from Renee as she learned from me.

*  I began to think about the type of parent I waned to be prior to having kids.

*  I had an insight on how much children mirror and pay attention to your actions more than your words, because it was cute when I would see myself in Renee.

And there’s soooooo much more!

If you’ve ever thought of being a mentor you will be amazed with how much you learn and can incorporate into your life, how much the child learns, and the biggest gift of all is seeing the child succeed in their hopes and dreams. 

Renee was 7 years old when I met her, she was held back in 3rd grade but still graduated in her original graduation year, and is how a Military Police officer in the Air Force.  What a gift both her and I received by being a part of each others lives (as I smile with a tear in my eye).

There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.

Mentor.org: Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net: Boys & Girls Clubs of America:

 Let’s Talk

What have you learned from a child?   There are many ways to be a mentor, mentors are coaches, boy scout leaders,  sunday school teachers and many others that I’m forgetting.

Help us list examples of giving back to a child in your life, what you have done and how you feel it has enriched both of your lives.

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Related Posts:

• Being a Role Model is More Important Than Being a Celebrity (Dadomatic.com)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent?  (RemarkableParents.com)
• Are You a Good Role Model? (parenting.com)
• A Parents Job as a Role Model (healthyplace.com)

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 Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

by Anita Bruzzese

Christmas Card vs

Family Newsletter

Several years ago a bit of a tiff started in newspaper advice columns regarding family newsletters.

On one side were the people who said something like:  “I’m sick of getting these ‘updates’ that are nothing more than a chance for people to brag about how wonderful their perfect children are and what awards they’ve won.”

Who cares?!

On the other side were the folks who said they looked forward to the missives, and they didn’t even care if a little bragging was involved.  “It’s a chance to stay connected,” these people argued. “It’s nothing to be mad about.”

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future. ”   — Alex Haley

The Doubt

As someone who faithfully sends a family newsletter every year, I worried.

What were my family and friends saying about me?

Was my newsletter something to be reviled and chucked in the recycling bin after they blew their nose on it?

The Test

So, one year I decided to test the waters and didn’t send a newsletter. I got an earful. “Where is your letter, you slacker?” a friend griped. “I read that thing to everyone at work. They look forward to it!”

An elderly aunt was more delicate: “Dear, is there something wrong? We’re worried since we didn’t get your letter this year, which is a highlight for us.”

Well, with those kinds of comments I  took it as a positive sign and ignored that niggling doubt my newsletters were a source of derision and disdain and decided to continue writing my messages.

Personally, I love getting newsletters from family and friends. To be honest, I don’t love them all equally. Some, I will admit, read like resumes. Some are just long-winded and boring. But in our fast-paced, hectic lives, I think it’s more important than ever that we stay truly connected.

The Writing Tips

So, here are some tips to help you write family messages that are treasured, not trashed.

• Avoid listing specific awards.

This is a real pet peeve of many people. If you say, “Amber received first place in the regional soccer competition hosted by….”  Blah, blah, blah.

Everyone skipped ahead as soon as they saw “first place” and “Amber.”

Instead, talk about why Amber loves soccer: “She says she pretends the ball is the boy in math class who bugs her.  She loves kicking the stuffing out of it.”

You can say you’re doing well at work, and love certain aspects of your job.  But to talk about how you were one of only five people recognized in your region for selling the most widgets?  Seriously?  Only your mom cares about that, and you probably already called and told her.

Spare the rest of the people in your life the litany of family awards.

• Tell a story.

Don’t list every town you stopped in on your summer vacation, where you ate and how much gas cost.

Pick an event – like when you went horse-back riding and found out your guide used to work for Brad Pitt – and highlight it.   People appreciate a good, short story.

It makes them feel much more a part of your life and helps them enjoy the experience as if they were there with you.

• Make it personal.

Don’t talk about yourself in the third person.   It sounds weird, like you’re a Hollywood diva with serious emotional issues. “Anita had a great year. Anita tripped and fell in front of the entire high school track team.”

Instead, “I had a great year, except for the day I tripped in front of the high school track team and one of them said, ‘When my Grandma fell like that, she broke a hip. Maybe we should call an ambulance.’”

• Keep it concise.

Really, all anyone wants to hear is some brief news about your family; what they’re doing; what interests them; any cool tidbits to pass along (“we found a great cabin at the lake for a really reasonable price and here’s the phone number…”); and that you’re hoping they’re doing well.

Kids change so much from year to year that it might seem tough to whittle down your newsletter to one page, but try.

As they say, always leave your audience wanting more.

Anita Bruzzese writes on her site 45 Things and  is the author of two books “45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy — And How To Avoid Them” and “Take This Job And Thrive“.  You can download a sample chapter of each of her book’s on her site for a preview.

Anita has written about workplace issues for more than a decade and is an award-winning journalist, as well as being the founding managing editor of the national magazine Employee Benefit News.

Oh how I love my iPhone…  Let me count the ways….

My iPhone is honestly the next best resource when I don’t have my computer with an internet connection and this interview pretty much lays out my thoughts as to why.

Of course, this is my personal opinion, but there seem to be other iPhoneSpaz’s out there…  and I have found them!

I’m Not The Only iPhoneSpaz!

I also got some input from fellow geeks on twitter so let’s get this started.

“I love my iPhone because it’s unrequited love from afar. No one loves me enough to buy me one. It’s imaginary, fantasy, and folly.”  — Scott Merrick

“Loves her iPhone because it’s so empowering! I can get information about anything and everything and respond in realtime!“  — Gail Mari

“Easy to learn, slick, easy-to-use interface, nice comfortable size, killer potential with addition of multitude of apps.”   — Robert Hruzek

“I can personalize it to exactly what I need and want. As simple or complex as I choose”  — Scott Nelson

“My iphone can do just as much as my computer:  find places to eat, gives pollen count, play games, give directions & it loves me back.”  — Christine K

iPhoneSpaz Interview

Recently, I had a conversation and then an interview with Jamie Grove Mr. iPhoneSpaz himself about my beloved iPhone.

Jamie: First thing’s first… How many apps do you have and what got you hooked?

Vicky: 38 added (non standard icons/applications).

The main thing that got me hooked was flexibility and convenience.

I want to have both the flexibility and convenience of doing many of the same things on my phone that I can do on my computer. When I’m away from my computer, it is very important that I can do some of the same basic tasks that I’m able to complete on my computer. Many times it’s not that I actually ‘want’ to accomplish something, but it is also the piece of mind knowing that there is not something important that I should be attending to that I am missing, which is many times as simple as being able to see my email account.

The other thing that is really convenient is to be able to use time that is many times unuseful (ie.. waiting in the waiting room for a dr.’s appt) to either complete or start small tasks.

This time is no longer unuseful, I can make use of this time to get something done.

Jamie: How has the iPhone changed your life?

Vicky: Owning an iPhone has given me both basic functionality and many additional application options.

Basic functionality like contacts, calendar, Google maps, notes, camera, iPod (music), email, text messaging, web browser combined with add-on’s like WordPress, Facebook, Jott, Linked-In, Twitterfon, Skype, and Evernote.

With the additional applications that are so available on the iPhone, I could offset the additional price of purchasing an iPhone because of the additional functionality. I didn’t by an iPod or a Blackberry, instead I used the funds for these purchases to be able to purchase the iPhone. I also felt confident with the popularity of this particular phone and the number of applications being created that this technology and the appliations would continue to be a platform that developers would continue to both develop new applications and support/update existing applications.

More…

What do you think?

Do you love your iPhone or another phone?  What’s your favorite application or time saving tip?

WARNING: This post is rated PG-13

I’ll admit it, I’m a huge 37signals blog fan and checkout their blog almost daily, right after I look at the Lolcats blog.

I’m looking at the picture above and reading the entry, then start reading the comments. I am not a web interface designer, so many times I see the articles in a different light than many of the other people who comment on the site. When I saw this today I was shocked! Had Amazon made a huge PR blunder? and then have it reposted on Signal vs. Noise….

Truthfully the reason I read the article was not related to design, I thought “I wanna go read all the flack those guys are going to get from their readers for posting about Bezos, since he’s an investor”. So imagine my surprise finding out all the comments were about the design.

So I thought, think like a designer Vicky, you can look at the packaging from a “frustration free packaging” point of view. So I’m looking at it and I’m going to myself who cares how easy it is to open or close, you can’t see the toy! Why would I buy a toy with that ugly brown wrap that you can’t even see that it’s a toy?

I bet someone at Amazon is having a WTF moment. Jeff, don’t fire the PR people, unless your going to hire me, I *heart* Amazon!

by Ann Handley

Greetings all staff and stakeholders of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises:

It has come to my attention that there has been some confusion about your roles and responsibilities within the organization, which has led to infighting, yelling, and name-calling—this happened just yesterday, prior to 7 AM.

Such behavior is both unprofessional and unwarranted, and it is my job as the CEO and central “brand” of this enterprise to address this situation before it begins to negatively affect morale as well as my performance in the marketplace, also known as “school and social life.”

The Memo

First, a word about the incident that prompted this memo and took place at headquarters yesterday. Many of you, I know, heard it—or heard of it—and I need to clarify actual events to dispel any notion that the CEO of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises was at fault.
Because, as you know, it’s never my fault.

The Incident

The incident took place in the early morning. It concerned the crazy idea that two individuals traveling to the same school campus should to be liveried in the same vehicle, and therefore ought to be ready to depart at approximately the same time, even if one of us requires more careful and meticulous currying of my excellent hair and a careful consideration of which band T-shirt looks most awesome with my jeans.

There was yelling about did I know the price of a gallon of gas, and the driver’s own needs (not sure what that means), and something was said in a rather overwrought tone about how It’s all about you, isn’t it? 

All of this made the second and final shuttling to school tense and unpleasant, and left me grounded this weekend, which is a wholly unacceptable result of what I see as a giant misunderstanding.

Sister Subsidiary. The Easy Child Enterprise

The bottom line is that the sister involved in this situation is… well, clearly a Sister Subsidiary. Known officially as The Easy Child Enterprise, the Sister Subsidiary should be staffed and run as a separate operation, independent of the needs of Coddled Teenage Boy LLC. Especially since a tenet of that aforementioned subsidiary enterprise is Hates to Be Late, whereas at Coddled we take a much more interpretive view of the clock. 

Roles

Now that we have that out of the way, I’d like to get back to the business of this memo, which is to redefine and, in some cases, reassign the various roles each of you play in keeping this enterprise running.

As you know, we have grown in leaps and bounds over the past decade, growing literally from a Mom-and-Pop entity to a conglomerate with endless, gaping needs and demands. While it once took only one or two people to feed, diaper and bathe me, it now requires an entire staff to manage the complex operation that is my life. 

Complexity of Operation

You might think that my ability to actually use my limbs purposefully and my mastery of other basic life-skills (like the ability to read signs, or jot down a note, or climb bus stairs, or use the toilet) might allow me to exploit my own abilities and increase self-reliance. But, sadly, the answer is no. In ways that even I don’t really understand, it seems that the operation is more complicated than ever, and it requires additional resources and more staff than ever to maintain.

Last year in Math, we studied Inverse Functions, in which the sign f “acts on” a number and transforms it. Essentially, you can define the inverse of f as the function that “undoes” what f did.

New Growth

My understanding is some enterprises grow precisely like that: As new products are brought to market, or new services introduced, others are mysteriously negated. In other words, it’s not my fault that company operations have gotten multifarious and increasingly unwieldy. You can argue the application of this point, but not with me. Take it up with a mathematician.

Reorganization Plan

So without further ado, herewith the new Job Titles as reflected in this most current Reorg of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises: 

Manager of Livery Services—Dad (AM Manager), Mom (PM Manager) 

Director of English Essays, Proofing and Editing Division—Mom 

Laundry Services—Mom, Dad, Sister-When-I-Have-Something-to-Bribe-Her-With 

Homework Helpers—Mom, Dad, the Friends-Who-Actually-Take-Notes-in-Class Squad 

Personal Belonging Tracker—Mom, Dad, various friends (Gordon, Zach, Janey, Chris, etc.) in various classes who run after me when I leave my various crap behind

Shower Timer—Mom, Dad, Sister-When-She-Needs-to-Use-the-Bathroom

Forms and Paperwork, Small Details Division—Mom 

Dispenser of Petty Cash—Whichever parent drives us to the movies 

Emotional Support Team—Pretty much everyone, all the time (note on-call hours) 

The two remaining jobs still available at this time are:

Minister of Wiping My Own Butt  

Director of I’d-Forget-My-Head-If-It-Wasn’t-Attached 

Referrals welcome.

It is my dearest hope that this will help you accept and relish the critical job you have as part of Coddled Teenage Boy Enterprises, and see yourself for what you are: Part of my team, because we are all in this together.

As they say, there’s no “I” in “team.” And there’s no “Boy” in there, either. God knows I can’t do this on my own.

Regards, 

Coddled Teenage Boy 

p.s. Have you seen my soccer shorts? 
 

Ann Handley is Chief Content Officer of MarketingProfs as well as a writer and editor. Read more by Ann Handley at A n n a r c h y, her blog on parenting, technology, personal history, pop culture, and an occasional shot of humor:

In Case of Emergency

I Suspect Everyone Else Is Smarter, Better-Looking, Taller, Cooler, Cuter, Has Newer and Shinier Objects than I Do (and Is More Modest)

Looking for Eddie Field

Do you ever feel the way this author felt?  Did you feel taken for granted and unappreciated?  Did you try to change things in your home?   If yes, what did you do?

“You are Democrats and Republicans and Independents.

But you all served together, and fought together, and bled together under the same proud flag.

You did not serve a Red America or a Blue America – you served the United States of America.”

— Barack Obama VFW National Convention August 19, 2008

Quick Question

Are you a Republican? A Democrat? An Independent?

Quick Answer

I don’t care about your political preference, this is a rhetorical question.

With the upcoming presidential election, many American’s have drawn their lines in the sand. We hear ‘military’, ‘troops’, or ‘soldier’ and man y people relate it back to the war, the current president, or a political party.

The effect is that many people are confused about their support for such organizations as eMail our Military. I think Barak Obama making this and other statements will help bring healing and a realization that these soldiers are American’s, just as each of us is. Any line drawn in sand can be easily erased and is not permanant.

“eMail Our Military is composed of volunteers from all walks of life who understand that regardless of our political views, our military service members deserve our respect, support & encouragement.”

— Trish Forant, founder eMail Our Military

What Is eMail Our Military?

Due to the anthrax scare, two major letter writing campaign’s to our troops were canceled. These programs were the Department of Defense’s “Any Service Member” and Dear Abby’s “Operation Dear Abby“. When Trish Forant heard about these campaigns ending, eMail Our Miliatary was founded in 2001 as direct response to the cancellation of these two programs.

Reaching out on Twitter through social media

eMail Our Military Partnerships

Babble Soft
Babble Soft and eMail our Military are partnering to offer free subscriptions to Baby Insights and Baby Say Cheese for active duty service members with newborns.

“We are very excited about the opportunity to partner with Babble Soft.” said Trish Forant, Founder and President of eMail our Military. “My husband was called into service only one week after our first child was born. I had very few friends and family to turn to for support where we were stationed and it was difficult for me to convey to him what I was going through with our new baby.

“Our goal at Babble Soft is to help strengthen and enhance connections between family members during that wonderful, yet chaotic time after a baby is born.” said Aruni Gunasegaram, founder and president of Babble Soft. “We support our troops and know how important it is for new parents who have to be away from their newborns to feel connected to what is going on at home. Partners can share experiences and photos with each other through Babble Soft’s unique web and mobile applications.

As an added bonus, members of eMail our Military will have access to a discount code to purchase gift subscriptions for their other family members who may or may not have military ties.”

Qipit

Qipit has partnered with eMail our Military to provide for even more personalized communications. By creating better quality copies of documents to be included as a part of their email communications, we hope to make it possible for military families to literally share everything from legal documents to Little Johnny’s artwork.

While being home with their families is undoubtedly what every member of the military would most want, we are proud to be a part of helping them stay in close touch, in a very personal way, while they are separated from their loved ones in service to their country and in pursuit of world peace.

Qipit turns camera phones and digital cameras into mobile copy centers so people can turn photographs or written and printed materials into scan-quality digital documents they can share and store on the go.

There is so much more to say with this story that we are going to be doing a Part 3. The next post will include an interview with Trish and more about their supporters, and partners

Please contact Trish at the eMail Our Military web site if you or a loved one would like to be signed up to use these programs they offer, volunteer, or support their wonderful program.

by Jeremy Biser

Photo by Jeremy Biser

A few years ago, I didn’t even know what “social media” was.

I read the newspaper, a few magazines and when I went online it was for work or to manage my fantasy sports teams. I thought a blog was something that people used to share pictures with their family members, and My Space was the place where pervs and wannabe musicians hung out to seduce young girls.

Looking Back

The “social” online environments did not have a positive connotation for me, and so I was blinded to the potential benefits.

Looking back, I’m disappointed at my own ignorance. I wish I would have started a blog 4 or 5 years ago. I wish I would have discovered Digg or StumbleUpon or Technorati when they first launched. I wish I wouldn’t have grounded my teenage daughter for 2 weeks when I found out she created a My Space page and lied about her age on it.

Well… I still would have grounded her, but only for lying and not because she went into the predators’ lair, as I thought it was at the time.

Looking Forward

Fast forward to today, and I’m proud to be known as a “tech savvy parent.” I’m the guy that my neighbors, friends and family members come to for advice about the Internet, blogs, using social networks and kids’ use of all of these types of technology. I often share new sites and tools, like MyBabyOurBaby or KidZui, with my personal network, and I’ve helped dozens of fellow parents set-up new blog sites.

How have I gone from clueless to clued-in? I publish multiple blogs, including Discovering Dad and Husbands & Dads, and I utilize various social media sites and applications as part of my daily routine. I also have a Facebook page, and ironically enough, my teenage daughter designed and helps update my My Space page.

The Social Media That I Use

In addition, each morning, I run through a series of online communication updates, including checking e-mail, my RSS reader, Lifestyle and Technology categories, Popular and Interests categories, Alerts and Technorati blog reactions to my sites. Throughout the day, I also use Twitter and StumbleUpon when I have a minute or two free in between other tasks and responsibilities. All of this while working from home and taking care of the kids – I juggle a lot of balls throughout the day.I have never felt more productive yet simultaneously balanced in my life, and I owe a big part of it to the effective use of these many technologies.

Basically, in a little more than two years, I went from social media idiot to social media expert (I use that term lightly and comparatively – I’m no Chris Brogan).

So, how does all of this “social media” stuff help me be a better dad?

1. Flexibility - many of these technologies have helped me to create a career that is extremely flexible. The Internet never sleeps, so I don’t have to try and cram my work into “normal business hours.” Instead, if I need to spend three hours exclusively taking care of the kids, then that’s what I do. If I want to take my kids to the park in the middle of the afternoon and then walk over to the ice cream shop, I do it. The majority of work I do is done after the kids go to bed, and that’s fine with me.

2. Connectivity - my oldest daughter lives a few thousand miles away from us with her mother, so when she’s not here during breaks and the summer we complement our phone conversations and texting messages and photos through My Space. She has also written a few posts for my Discovering Dad site, and I write about her often. I also communicate with friends and family members through various social networks and Twitter. When I relied exclusively on cell phones and e-mail, I might talk to people once every two weeks. Now, I talk to many family members and friends every day.

3. Purpose – I publish two sites, in particular, with a specific focus on being a better husband and father. Discovering Dad is about “learning what it means to be a good dad.” Husbands & Dads is a site “where it’s cool to be a family man.” I have met some incredible people through these sites, and I feel a sense of purpose in creating interesting content for them. I have done more research on fatherhood and parenting in the last year than I ever could have imagined, and I’ve learned a ton of great tips and insights to being a good dad from my fellow dad bloggers. I’ve also learned much about myself along the way. I have a mission to make a positive difference in world by encouraging men to live well and become better husbands and dads.

4. Resources – I find tons of relevant resources about being a better husband and dad throughout the various social media sites and applications that I use. And, the things I like best about this information is that it always comes with a recommendation of a friend. Think about it – how much more likely are you to try something new if a trusted friend recommends it? The same theory applies to information gathered in the social media world. I find new and interesting information about fatherhood on a daily basis that I would never have found in the past, prior to using social media sites and tools.

5. Feedback – my kids tell me when I mess up all of the time, so it’s nice to bounce ideas off of others or share things that have worked really well for me with people through my blogs or Twitter or one of the social network sites. I love the interactive nature of it all. Most of my off-line dad friends are very reserved, and not many of them like to talk about fatherhood or family in any sort of detail. I think they believe it will make them seem weak or vulnerable, or that I’ll ask them to turn in their man cards for showing emotions. Dads are different online – emboldened by their pseudonyms or anonymity. They are more willing to talk about issue of importance to them honestly and openly, and they let me know what they think of my thoughts or writing. It is an incredible learning environment in which dialogue happens instantaneously, even if it is only in 140 characters or less (Twitter).

6. Understanding – my kids are going to grow up using all of these tools and more. I don’t want to be the parent who doesn’t understand both the positive and negative aspects of these sites and tools. It’s easier for me to help my kids, if I know how to guide them in anything in life. Also, it’s better for both me and them if I know how to monitor their use of various technologies.

My Virtual Power Shake

Put all of these things together, and it makes a virtual power shake that energizes and inspires me to be a better dad (husband, worker, man and citizen too). The benefits of social media extend far beyond the business world, even into the realm of good parenting. Tech savvy parents are able to not only improve the productivity and efficiency of their own lives, but also find new and exciting ways to stay connected with their kids.

If you’re not using these tools, I encourage you to set aside a few hours one rainy Saturday and test out some of these tools. Ask your kids what social sites and applications that they are using. Sign-up for accounts with the same sites. Ask your kids to give you a tutorial – they’ll think it’s cool (and scary that mom or dad is interested in the same things they are).

Learning to use a variety of social media technologies has definitely helped me feel like a better dad and a remarkable parent.

Jeremy’s BIO: I’m also on the Buzzboard (Advisory Board) for a social networking community called cre8Buzz, and I manage content for another social network for artists called Artistic Pursuit.

What are your thoughts? Would you allow your children to use social media? Would you put any rules on it’s useage? Would you want to see the page and profile they create on My Space or Facebook?

Share your comments with us …. We’re interested in how other parents feel. Please share your child’s age if that bears on the situation.

Photo by Joyseph

This is every parents worst nightmare!

You would never trade places with these parents! Not in a million years, not for a million dollars!

Eyes Of An Angel

We’ve all seen those beautiful little faces with the eyes of an angel. We’ve seen them on the back of milk cartons, we’ve seen them on posters at the post office.

Every time I find myself saying “Thank God that’s not my child”. I’m sure most people do this too, but is it enough?

Isn’t there something more we can do? Isn’t there some way we can help? Help get the word out, make others aware of these missing children, contribute to the cause?

Making A Difference

One person that’s making a difference is Nate Ritter. Nate is a small business startup strategy consultant and a talented web designer, here is a link to his portfolio.

How did I meet @NateRitter? Well actually I didn’t.

I found his fabulous Twitter account @MissingChildren and began following this account on Twitter.

Below is an example of the types of messages that are added to my Twitter timeline when I began following @MissingChildren.

Endangered Missing Alerts:

Endangered Runaway Alerts:

Family Abduction Alerts:

Recovery Alerts: (Yeah!)

I love this idea! I love using a social media tool like Twitter to make our world a better place! I found out who the creator of the account was and knew I must request an interview.

I want to help!

I want to spread the word!

I want to make a difference!

This post is my small way of contributing to the cause.

The Interview

This is a transcript of my interview with Nate. I hope you enjoy it and consider following @MissingChildren on Twitter and encourage your friends to do the same!

Vicky H: What was your motivation for starting this project?

Nate Ritter: Living in California my wife and I are used to seeing traffic warnings and alerts about missing or endangered children displayed above the highways.

After the California wildfires in October 2007 and seeing how Twitter could easily get information to people’s cell phones, I thought it would be great to have these kind of messages sent to the public. It would help notify those people who aren’t on the highways, and could probably be faster too.

I was also motivated because my mom’s sister went missing quite a few years ago and hasn’t been seen since. The technology at that time wasn’t anything like it is now, but there’s still some missing pieces even today. I just wanted to connect those pieces because I saw the opportunity to help people.

Vicky H: Where and how do you get the data?

Nate Ritter: The data is retrieved from http://missingkids.com. I haven’t actually told them that I’m using their data, but I figured they wouldn’t complain.

Vicky H: What feedback have you gotten?

Nate Ritter: I’ve had the pleasure of doing a few interviews and the response has been positive.

I would love to get the word out even more. I think it’s useful. There’s a few things people have asked for that I haven’t had the time to accomplish yet, like separating them out into different geographies.

Vicky H: Approx. how many hours did the project take?

Nate Ritter: It took about a day’s worth of programming, but most of that time was trial and error with which format to get the data in. The main problems I ran into have to do with getting good information consistently from MissingKids.com.

Vicky H: How is the information updated?

Nate Ritter: The information is updated based on the emails sent out by MissingKids.com. Each email they send out is gathered into an account which my program checks. It checks and gathers the information, follows a few web addresses given in the email, puts together a short message with a url, and then pushes that to Twitter.

It’s quite a few steps, but the end result is pretty obviously worth it.

.

Keeping Our Children Safe – Resources for Parents & Guardians

1. Get important resources on the issue of Child Identification.
2. Know what to do if your child is missing.
3. Understand the importance of having a good quality photo of your child.
4. Know if your child is at risk for International Abduction.
5. Report Child Sexual Exploitation.
6. Familiarize yourself with your state’s Child-Sexual-Exploitation Resources.
7. Help kids learn to stay safer online with the NetSmartz Workshop.
8. Get answers to your questions about Internet Safety, computers, and the Web with NetSmartz411.
9. Use NCMEC’s Corporate Partner Safety Programs and Materials to assist you with keeping your kids safer.

Please share any wonderful resources that you have found in the comments.

Since it is summer and the kids are home and have time on their hands, of particular interests are those resources that can help parents keep their children safe, contests for family’s to complete together, or other hands-on activities that contribute to the cause.

MacKenzie Loving’s writes “Vicky definitely provides some food for thought as to why “blogging” and other new Web technologies are helping to form new bonds between parents and their children in a manner that touches people today and in the future. Even if you know a lot about technology, take a moment to read Vicky’s comments because there will be a parent out there you’ll want to share this with.”

Question 1:
You say on your site that the internet is the great equalizer between generations. Can you expand on this and give an example where you’ve personally experienced this happening?

My 18 year old daughter Kay will be heading off to college in the fall. Like every parent my feelings are somewhat conflicted. I want her to discover who she is as a young adult and to experience life on her own, yet I am worried that now that she’s 18, she may feel that it’s a failure of her new found adulthood to come to me with her problems. I just want to be in the loop, have an idea of what and how she is doing, and know that she’s safe.

A few friends who’ve children have gone off to college have prepared me that that college students don’t devote a lot of time to keeping in touch. I know she has good intentions to keep in touch, but realistically I should be prepared to feel left out. To bridge this communication divide we have been talking about ways we can keep in touch. We don’t plan on using only the telephone, we also plan on using IM (instant messaging), Email, Twitter, Facebook, and Skype. Kay already uses these technologies and so do I. More >>

Question 2:
What is the most incredible or satisfying aspect of writing or managing your own blog?

The most satisfying aspect of the web site is having planned the overall vision of the site for so long and seeing that vision implemented. When the first article Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word? was published, along with the web design which I really love, I felt amazing, absolutely amazing and I really haven’t come down yet.

Question 3:
For any mom who is new to the blogosphere and social networking, can you offer a quick how to get started list to help ladies get engaged?

I purposely put some links, print screens, and definitions in the first question, so the ladies can go to those sites to get more information on those technologies.

Steps towards technology and social media use

1. Email Sign up for an email account. Most email accounts are free. I suggest using Gmail. Google’s Gmail has has one of the best spam blocking engines that will block most spam and make your experience much nicer (a second choice would be Yahoo).
2. Search Engines Google is by far the most popular search engine and is also free. When you are searching you can use individual words for your search criteria or you can use phrases enclosed by quotes (a second choice would be DogPile). This phrase will search for pages that Google has indexed that have these three words many times anywhere on the page.



This phrase will search for pages that Google has indexed that have the phrase ’small breed’ (must be the entire phrase) and the other word anywhere on the page.

This phrase will search for pages that Google has indexed that have the words ‘small’, ‘breed’, and ‘dog’ anywhere on the page. More >>

Question 4:
If moms could learn one technology this year, what would you say it should be?

I would have to say that it would depend on the individual mom and their family’s needs.

If you need to communicate with your kids while your at work and they’re at home, I would say get two webcams, headphones w/ mics and use Skype or you could use IM.

If you are lonely, want to crowd source advice, or make new friends I would say Twitter.

If you will be soon changing jobs, finishing school and want to either get a job or network with others in your same profession, I would say Linked-In.More >>

Question 5:
Your site is asthetically pleasing want to offer kudos into anyone in particular?

The web designer for Remarkable Parents is Randa Clay. We worked remotely as I am in Wisconsin and she is in Texas. The relationship did work well for us and it wasn’t a problem that she didn’t live in the same state. I am amazed at how well she got the concepts and my vision for the site. Randa has done a case study on many of the steps we took and tips that clients can use to translate their vision to the designer.

Someone who also helped me considerably was Chris Garrett who was handled some of the more technical issues and helped me develop and organize my vision for the site. Chris lives in the United Kingdom, so we used Skype for many of our sessions.

I would like to thank MacKenzie Lovings and Parent Power Index for giving me this opportunity to share what Remarkable Parents is about with their readers.

Please let us know if we are headed in the right direction for our readers in the comments. What would you like to see more of? What would you like to see less of? Let us know, we’re writing for you!

Earlier today, I added my 25 words at a friends website Productivity in Context. Here is my poetic contribution of what was on my mind today.

Random 25 Words

by Liz Strauss

A Random Twenty-Five Words

Might Not Convey Meaning Or Power.

Yet Translating A Thought

Into Precisely Twenty-Five Words

Can Transform A Thinker Into A Writer.

Changing The World

by Vicky H

Change The World You Say?

Not On My Agenda Today!

It’s All Work, No Play.

Change The World Another Day.

Life Needs Reevaluation Right Away!

The Science – The Art

by Stephen Smith

Work When You Work

Live When You Live

Balance Them Carefully

The Science: Knowing The Difference Between The Two

The Art: Knowing When To Stop

| View | Upload your own

Note: Added the above slide on July 21st.

So express yourself, tell me how you feel today in twenty-five words or less!

]]> http://remarkableparents.com/your-life-today-in-25-words/feed/ 0 http://remarkableparents.com/who-taught-my-kid-that-four-letter-word/ http://remarkableparents.com/who-taught-my-kid-that-four-letter-word/#comments Thu, 15 May 2008 23:02:54 +0000 Vicky H http://remarkableparents.com/?p=8 I’m guilty…

Not because I taught her that four-letter word.   I spell out all my bad words. She didn’t hear this one from me.

Nothing Means What To A 16 year old?

When my daughter Kay was 16 years old, we were talking about college applications. The problem was that she only wanted to apply to colleges she was sure she would get in to. I’m like, “What?” The plan had always been University of Wisconsin, Madison. That had always been her first choice!

Really, I don’t mind her changing the plan. The issue is why she’s changing the plan.

After I told her that Madison accepts only 20% of its applicants, Kay reduced her dreams to other schools because she was afraid to fail. Bad mom! I never realized my little trivia lesson was going to be negative.

Fail – that’s a word I don’t want in my daughter’s vocabulary!

She doesn’t want to fail? Again, I’m like what?

You want to change your plan because you’re afraid to fail? You don’t even want to submit an application? You couldn’t take a UW-Madison rejection letter? It would make you feel like your whole life up to this point is a failure? If you weren’t accepted, all these years of school, the great grades, and the honor role would all be for nothing?

Nothing means ? (what) to a sixteen year old?

I snapped into ‘mommy-mode’! I put my brain on listen while I strive to be calm. I attempt to see things from her point of view.

But by this time she was in tears. She started explaining how she would feel, getting that particular rejection letter. It would make her feel like a complete failure. She would have no future. She would be working behind the counter at Pizza Hut for the rest of her life.

What I Learned that Made Me a Better Parent

This lesson really made me think about how serious and important it is that our kids can share their feelings with us!

What if she felt she couldn’t have shared her real feelings with me? This would have been smoldering inside her. I would never have known. I would never would have been able to help. I would have never been able to comfort her. She would never have applied to the school she wanted!

Just as in any relationship, trust and being non-judgmental or objective until you have a full understanding of the situation is a basic; but one that is easily forgotten. For me this is especially important in my relationship with my kids. They’re not adults. They’re not my friends or peers. Sometimes I forget to give them that same basic courtesy that I would give someone else.

It really is so basic. It really is so easily forgotten.

Let’s Get Real with Our Kids

Are you ready to hear the truth? Does your teen feel comfortable enough to share their real life with you?

Are you ready to hear what you never wanted to know?

Raising my teenagers sometimes reminds me of this exchange from the movie A Few Good Men:

_______________________________________________
Kaffee: I Want The Truth!
Col. Jessup: [Shouting] You Can’t Handle The Truth!
_______________________________________________

Us, “getting real” with our kids means being open to them being real with us.

Real is the four-letter word we want in our relationships with our kids.

Fast forward to April 2008 … Kay did apply and was accepted into UW-Madison and actually several other colleges too. She is going to UW-Madison!

Now I have a whole new set of worries and concerns, but we can talk about that another time.