I remembered when Kay and I used to watch The Gilmore Girls (2000-2007) together every tuesday night for almost six years.
The Series
This series was not so far off of where we were at that time as a family.
Loreli is a single mother raising her 13 year old daughter Rory in a small town. Loreli was fairly young when she had Rory so they some what ‘grow up together’ but when push comes to shove in their relationship, and parenting was needed, the series presented life lessons in a humorous but intelligent way.
The Casual Conversation
What was so great about this time together, was we could goof off, have fun, and have a casual conversation. We talked about everything from college, to fashion, to money, to dating and beyond. I learned so much about her from 6 years of this casual talk and I’m sure she learned a lot about me.
But the most important thing was we grew closer, we developed a closer relationship, we learned to share with each other, to agree as well as disagree (and if there is one thing you want to be able to do with your pre-teen, it’s learn how to thoughtfully disagree).
Her gift to me was being successful in her life and still calling me when she needs something.
No Bad Time To Change A Life
Mentoring doesn’t only take place when you’re young, making a difference in some one’s life can happen at anytime.
Couples
The Big Brothers & Big Sisters organization has a couples program. Couples of any age, such as young couples before you have kids, couples trying to conceive, couples that currently have kids, and couples in their golden years, are all welcome
Just think a child would get double the love and attention from a couple, and possibly be bless with an example of a loving set of parents.
Pre-Retirement
A close friend of mine’s parents was interested in mentoring a child as a couple when they got to the empty nest stage. Not only are they still be very active in their daughters lives, they continue to be a positive influence to another child even in their golden years.
He loves playing Batman and Diego and entering his name as the “highest scorer” at the end of each game (well, most games). He also enjoys playing PBS Kids games and the games at KidsAreHeroes.com.
Playing Video Games
And while I’m not a child psychologist, I believe that too much time in front of a video game, is not good for his development. I also believe that the most important thing I can give my son, and what he really wants the most, is my attention.
So we’ve developed the habit of frequently playing these games together.
This allows us to connect with each other on his terms. Plus it allows me to be the game’s “teaching assistant”.
Playing Together Developing our own Games
As we played together, these games would start to “play out” in the other activities we did:
Drawing pictures
Very naturally, my son started drawing pictures of the characters in the video games. He outlined the bowling lanes, the race car tracks, the mazes. This allowed him another way to understand what he was learning. Drawing also allowed me to extend my role of “assistant teacher” into these drawing activities. More… »
“Mentoring is not just your relationship between you and the child, but their relationship with their environment (parents, siblings, friends. and authority).”
During the 11 years that I mentored I learned a lot about parenting and I’m also doing some of the same things with my boys that I did with Renee. Some of the lessons my mentoring experience taught me were:
1. Kids are more respectful to those who respect them.
2. Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say.
3. Kids truly want to please adults.
4. Kids need positive feedback more than negative.
5. Kids want and need quality time with you.
6. Kids need to feel special.
One of the reasons I love the work that I do is that it helps me be closer to my family.
As with most people who run their own business, there are pressures and challenges involved that can work against family life, especially if you are not careful, but over all when talking to other parents I feel blessed that I can now work in a way that allows me all the family benefits that we enjoy.
I have gone from a job that I found frustrating, working for a marketing agency, a traditional commuting and office job, to having my own consulting business, running online courses, writing, running sites for income such as http://creditcardmatcher.com and blogging with friends on sites like http://promotions.co.uk/blog or for companies like http://cogniview.com – the transition was not easy but well worth the effort and I now love my work.
The best part is as well as being happier in myself, which is always a key ingredient in the recipe for better family life, I now get to see my family more often, in more quality ways.
Some of the ways technology helps me …
1) Time – my time is more productively spent.
The biggest example is sales, or rather the removal of a need to do any sales. Where before I would have to write proposals, travel down to London to pitch, present my pitch, then travel back, now I do not need to do any of that. Customers come to me via the internet, and 99% of them I have never met in person. This is a massive time saving. Just the train journey to London is over two hours one way, when it is on time. By car it is nearly four.
Of course I still travel, but I choose when and how, and it is never to pitch or sell. More… »
