Desktop wallpaper http://www.GilmoreMemories.com

I was reading “Watching Your Teens Favorite TV Shows Is Important“  and it brought back a flood of great memories.

I remembered when Kay and I used to watch The Gilmore Girls (2000-2007) together every tuesday night for almost six years.

The Series

This series was not so far off of where we were at that time as a family.

Loreli is a single mother raising her 13 year old daughter Rory in a small town.  Loreli was fairly young when she had Rory so they some what ‘grow up together’ but when push comes to shove in their relationship, and parenting was needed, the series presented life lessons in a humorous but intelligent way.

The Casual Conversation

What was so great about this time together, was we could goof off, have fun, and have a casual conversation.   We talked about everything from college, to fashion, to money, to dating and beyond.  I learned so much about her from 6 years of this casual talk and I’m sure she learned a lot about me.

But the most important thing was we grew closer, we developed a closer relationship, we learned to share with each other, to agree as well as disagree (and if there is one thing you want to be able to do with your pre-teen, it’s learn how to thoughtfully disagree).

Proposing A Solution Before The Problem

The other pre-problem solution I found that worked well was the sharing of a proposed solution for the proposed problem before it became a problem.  For instance, back in the day (about 5 or 6 years ago) before cell phones and texting became so popular, there was IM (instant messaging).  Which is pretty much sending instant short messages on the computer to an individual or group of friends real-time (when they were online at the same time you were and received the message instantly).

I noticed she started acting a little peculiar when I walked past the computer, as if she had something to hide.  After thinking about this for a little while, I decided she needed a personal IM monitor, someone caring, compassionate… her little brother.  After two days of brother IM monitoring Kay came inquiring.  I explained that she seemed to be misusing the computer, her brother loved spending time with her, knew how to read and that I thought they needed to spend more ‘time’ together.  Then I dropped bomb number two, saying “You know, if I can’t trust you on the computer, I can buy key tracking software that will track every letter you type on that keyboard.  Of course, I don’t want to invade your privacy, but I want you to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  I hope you don’t make me do that because I would feel terrible having to spy on you like that”.

Being a pretty bright girl, it only took her seconds to realize that she didn’t want this outcome.  We sat down and talked and came to an agreement.

I never purchased that tracking software and I’m glad I never had to.  Sometimes you can proactively avoid a problem if you communicate a strong, direct message before there really becomes a problem.

Let’s Talk

Have you ever had something that you’ve done with your kids that has opened up your relationship, trust, and brought you so much closer that you would like to share? I think we’d all like to get pointers on what works for staying close to our kids!

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Related Posts:

• Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word
  
• How Technology Helps Me Be A Better Dad
• If 40 Is the New 30, Is 18 the New 8?
• How to Prevent Your Child From Being A TV or Video Game Addict

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My gift to Renee was my time.

Her gift to me was being successful in her life and still calling me when she needs something.

No Bad Time To Change A Life

Mentoring doesn’t only take place when you’re young, making a difference in some one’s life can happen at anytime.

Couples
The Big Brothers & Big Sisters organization has a couples program.  Couples of any age, such as young couples before you have kids, couples trying to conceive, couples that currently have kids, and couples in their golden years, are all welcome

Just think a child would get double the love and attention from a couple, and possibly be bless with an example of a loving set of parents.

Pre-Retirement
A close friend of mine’s parents was interested in mentoring a child as a couple when they got to the empty nest stage.  Not only are they still be very active in their daughters lives, they continue to be a positive influence to another child even in their golden years.

Just because you’re done raising kids doesn’t mean you have to wait around for grand kids to be involved in a child’s life!  Opportunities are also available that are not related to children, for example SCORE – Service Corps Of Retired Executives or MentorNet which is an e-mentoring network for Engineering and Science.

Currently my retired Dad is volunteering his time to tutor kids that need help in Math.  So it goes to show you, you don’t have to be a full time mentor to help a child.

No Amount of Time Is Too Small

Your time is valuable no matter what age you are, or no matter what situation your in, in your life.   You’re life experiences, your talents, strengths, as well as weaknesses are all valuable.  The best gift you can give anyone is the gift of your time whether it be an hour of tutoring a week, or 4 or more hours a week.  Share what you’ve been given and you’ll be amazed at how much of an impact it has!

Renee will be 20 years old this year and currently in the Air Force working hard at what she does. I’m so touched to the heart to see her working so hard towards her dreams, knowing I had a small hand in getting her there.

Just a little bit of your time goes a long way. That’s what mentoring is all about!

Little Things Matter

Now as a parent I’ve noticed some of my son’s kids aren’t getting the full attention of their parents and therefore end up at our farm a lot.  In my opinion, these parents are missing out on time with their kids, but I can partly understand because society and the economy make it hard for a parent(s) to make ends meet.

I’ve turned it into something positive by becoming close to them and making them feel at home whenever they visit.   This gives a child another person to trust.  They feel comfortable to come visit us whenever the need arises.

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Related Posts:

• Gaining new insights into mentoring programs for adolescent girls
• How to Enroll a Child In the Big Brothers, Big Sisters Program
• VolunteerMatch Search for volunteer opportunities by location (zip code or city) and keyword (like tutor, construction, etc.) or sign up to receive updates in your email inbox.
• HandsOn Network Volunteer centers by state.
• Oprah’s Angel Network

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Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

My 5-year old son loves his leapfrog.

He loves playing Batman and Diego and entering his name as the “highest scorer” at the end of each game (well, most games).  He also enjoys playing PBS Kids games and the games at KidsAreHeroes.com.

Playing Video Games

And while I’m not a child psychologist, I believe that too much time in front of a video game, is not good for his development. I also believe that the most important thing I can give my son, and what he really wants the most, is my attention.

So we’ve developed the habit of frequently playing these games together.

This allows us to connect with each other on his terms. Plus it allows me to be the game’s “teaching assistant”.

Playing Together Developing our own Games

As we played together, these games would start to “play out” in the other activities we did:

Drawing pictures
Very naturally, my son started drawing pictures of the characters in the video games. He outlined the bowling lanes, the race car tracks, the mazes. This allowed him another way to understand what he was learning. Drawing also allowed me to extend my role of “assistant teacher” into these drawing activities.

Playing games outside
Instead of teaching my son the rules of a game he wasn’t interested in (i.e. Baseball or Soccer), I allowed him to make up the rules. The soccer ball because a cannon ball. Wiffle ball bats became robot arms. He decided how points were won (which was always in his favor…).

Grocery shopping
We developed a habit of counting apples by twos and threes just like he was learning in his games.  We started sounding out the words on cereal boxes. We turned the shopping isles into a giant maze.

Is There a Solution?

I guess my point with all this is that, as parents, often hear  how bad TV and video games are for our kids, but we too quickly conclude that the “solution” to this problem is to “just watch less”.

As a culture, we don’t want to admit that neglecting our kids could be the real problem (ouch!).  We rarely consider other ways to approach the “Too much TV; too many video games” problem. What I learned through my own experience (and again, I’m no Einstein), is that there are ways to naturally bring the attention away from the screen.

Instead of trying to pull them away from the video game, why not join them?  See to understand your child – and the games they play – on their terms.

The validation alone is worth the time spent.

My son’s Karate teacher, Sensei Craig, said something to me one night that always sticks in my mind:

“What kids want more than anything in the world is your time. They want this more than any toy or video game.”

By making my son’s agenda our number one focus, I’ve learned how to better connect with him, and have a great time learning from each other!

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit  his web site.

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Related Posts:

• Video Games: Preschoolers, Gradeschoolers, Pre-teens, and teens (PBS.org)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent? (RemarkableParents.com)
• Parents’ Involvement Key To Motivating Students
• Connecting Parents, Kids & Books

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First Meeting and First Outing (Sherry & Renee)

“Mentoring is not just your relationship between you and the child, but their relationship with their environment (parents, siblings, friends. and authority).”

This post is another building block after Mentoring Comes From the Heart, so if you would like to know who Renee is please read that post first.  Furthermore, I’ve written two more posts on my website about A Mentoring Heart, which is about the day we met; and Responsible for Someone Child, which is about our first outing. 

Lessons Learned

During the 11 years that I mentored I learned a lot about parenting and I’m also doing some of the same things with my boys that I did with Renee.  Some of the lessons my mentoring experience taught me were:

1.  Kids are more respectful to those who respect them.
2.  Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say.
3.  Kids truly want to please adults.
4.  Kids need positive feedback more than negative.
5.  Kids want and need quality time with you.
6.  Kids need to feel special.

Most Valuable Lesson

The most valuable thing I did was getting to know Renee’s family.  By doing that I got a glimpse of her family life and I was able to help her when she struggled with family relationships with her sisters and parents..

Every time I would pick Renee up and spend some quality time with her I would take the extra time and go inside and spend time with the family too.  Usually one of her three older sisters would have something to show me, or something they needed to tell me.  I would also chat with her Mom and see how she was feeling or she would specifically ask me help her with a behavior issue or schoolwork with Renee. 

Then there was the step Father, who was in jail for the first year I knew Renee.  When he was released I made it a point to get to know him and show interest in things he was interested in.  He loved fresh water aquariums and I had one too!  There was my opportunity!

Parallel’s With Parenting

Here is one example of many parallels . . .

Now that almost all of my sons are in school I’m staying plugged into their lives not only here at home but at school too.  Here is the parallel.  Since I’m already the parent and know their home life I need to be plugged into the times where there away from me, which in this occasion is school.  During the school year I stay in contact with the teacher and volunteer once a week. 

By creating a relationship with the teacher I learn her style of teaching and how she runs her classroom.  By knowing this I can better help my sons if they are struggling or have a concern. 

Secondly by volunteering I’m blessed with the opportunity to get to know the other kids that he spends his day with.  That way if he’s struggling with a particular child I have some insight on their personality, and how to better help the situation.  Furthermore, I hole heartedly believe if the other kids know me they are more likely to be nice to my son and not bully him.  

So as you can see this parallel in this example is to be “plugged in“, in all aspects of their lives, which not only makes for a good mentor, but also a Remarkable Parent.  Wow look at how I fit that right in there!  j/k

What I Got

So for me being a mentor was nothing less than a gift for my family and our future in many ways.  Such as:

*  I learned just as much or more from Renee as she learned from me.

*  I began to think about the type of parent I waned to be prior to having kids.

*  I had an insight on how much children mirror and pay attention to your actions more than your words, because it was cute when I would see myself in Renee.

And there’s soooooo much more!

If you’ve ever thought of being a mentor you will be amazed with how much you learn and can incorporate into your life, how much the child learns, and the biggest gift of all is seeing the child succeed in their hopes and dreams. 

Renee was 7 years old when I met her, she was held back in 3rd grade but still graduated in her original graduation year, and is how a Military Police officer in the Air Force.  What a gift both her and I received by being a part of each others lives (as I smile with a tear in my eye).

There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.

Mentor.org: Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net: Boys & Girls Clubs of America:

 Let’s Talk

What have you learned from a child?   There are many ways to be a mentor, mentors are coaches, boy scout leaders,  sunday school teachers and many others that I’m forgetting.

Help us list examples of giving back to a child in your life, what you have done and how you feel it has enriched both of your lives.

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Related Posts:

• Being a Role Model is More Important Than Being a Celebrity (Dadomatic.com)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent?  (RemarkableParents.com)
• Are You a Good Role Model? (parenting.com)
• A Parents Job as a Role Model (healthyplace.com)

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 Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

by Chris Garrett

One of the reasons I love the work that I do is that it helps me be closer to my family.

As with most people who run their own business, there are pressures and challenges involved that can work against family life, especially if you are not careful, but over all when talking to other parents I feel blessed that I can now work in a way that allows me all the family benefits that we enjoy.

I have gone from a job that I found frustrating, working for a marketing agency, a traditional commuting and office job, to having my own consulting business, running online courses, writing, running sites for income such as http://creditcardmatcher.com and blogging with friends on sites like http://promotions.co.uk/blog or for companies like http://cogniview.com – the transition was not easy but well worth the effort and I now love my work.

The best part is as well as being happier in myself, which is always a key ingredient in the recipe for better family life, I now get to see my family more often, in more quality ways.

Some of the ways technology helps me …

1) Time – my time is more productively spent.

The biggest example is sales, or rather the removal of a need to do any sales. Where before I would have to write proposals, travel down to London to pitch, present my pitch, then travel back, now I do not need to do any of that. Customers come to me via the internet, and 99% of them I have never met in person. This is a massive time saving. Just the train journey to London is over two hours one way, when it is on time. By car it is nearly four.

Of course I still travel, but I choose when and how, and it is never to pitch or sell.

2) Quality time – by taking control of my time it means I am always available when my family most needs me.

From the seemingly little things (though very important all the same) like never missing any school shows and sports days, through to traumatic events like when my daughter needed to be in hospital I could drop everything.

When I travel for business now I can take my family with me, which is a real thrill for my daughter, and means we do not need to be apart half as much as we would otherwise.

3) Systems – after leaving my job and starting my own business I realized I had gone from one bad employer (job) to another (me).

Freedom is not something you get given but something you need to take. It is only in the last year or so that I really worked that out, but it is through systemizing and technology that supports that where my freedom came from. Everything from using online tools like Skype, through to infrastructure like 3g telephone internet connections. I can outsource entirely online, and can provide my services in the same way. Digital delivery means in some cases my customers do not even need to interact with me at all if they do not want to. The best part is the whole idea of making your own schedule.

Time shifting has impacted many things, most notably television where you watch what you want to and when, but now you can time shift your work which opens up a whole new world.

4) Multi tasking – while queuing, on a train or flight, I can read ebooks, listen to audio books on my iPod, and check email.

In the car I can listen to audio books too, and of course all those other things if I am not driving! In fact on long journeys I have written book chapters, blog posts, answered client emails, updated the online courses I run. Using internet messaging and remote desktop tools I have fixed failing web servers and diagnosed technical problems all over mobile internet connections.

While my daughter watches Disney channel I can have my laptop, well, on my lap and while out and about my iPod touch serves as a terminal to access email and the web.

5) Location independence – not being tethered to a desk is only the start of it.

It gets even better than not being forced to go to an office every day and work to someone else’s schedule. Once your work is online that means you can work from anywhere there is an internet connection. I have logged in from a beach in the south of france, and from a frozen lake in the rocky mountains.

Every school holiday for my daughter means we can go away and do something fun, and my work does not need to suffer to make that happen.

Sound good? It is good, but now there are challenges and potential risks with all this that I ought to share:

Challenges and Potential Risks

1) Being distracted – It is not quality time if you are checking your email, IM and tweets all the time. We need to be present when we need to be present. It is not enough to be physically there and mentally some other place! These tools make it too easy to focus on the wrong things, and our moments with family are too precious to waste.

2) Learn to say ‘no’ – One of my biggest lessons is that we do not have to say yes to everything. My clients are spread all over the world from New Zealand to Hawaii. If I let it then my work would stop me getting any sleep, as every time a new time zone wakes up I get a new set of demands on my time. You need to find a time to be at work and a time to switch off, and when you switch off do it properly. We are now so connected that you can be followed wherever you go and there is no safe haven. Even flights now have wifi occasionally. Some people think if you CAN be online you SHOULD.

3) Workaholism – At some point we need to make the decision to end the work day. If I let myself I work 12 hours or more each day, and I work seven days a week.

Not healthy!

So I have started implementing a strict policy of work hours and building in family and health time. It is not easy but I am getting there. This is related to the previous point but it is an important one.

When you can work from anywhere and any time, how do you choose to stop? I often say that while I have not experienced burnout yet I have circled that drain a few times. You have to be disciplined and put your family first.

While we think we are doing all this hard work for our family, you are doing them no good if you become a worn out ask of yourself at the end of each day.

I would like to hear how you work and balance your family and professional life. Please share your thoughts in the comments?

Chris Garrett lives in the UK with the two most important ladies in his life; his wife and their 9 year old daughter.

Chris is a professional blogger, Internet Marketing consultant, writer, coach, speaker, and web geek. He is a founding member of Performancing and recently has co-written the book Problogger: Secrets For Blogging Your Way To A Six Figure Income

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Related Posts:

• Connecting With Your Child When Twitter Is Banging On The Door (RemarkableParents.com)
• How Social Media Has Taught Me To Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• Flipping Work Life Balance (BiggSuccess..com)
• Sandbagging Your Efforts (CarpeFactum.typepad.com)

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I’m a single dad.

I see my son Thursday through Saturday night and sometimes Sundays. Because of my limited time with him, it’s important that I focus my time with him in the best possible way. But this is not as easy as it sounds.

Managing My Time

In addition to being a Dad, I also run my own business.  I  consult with  non-profits and businesses on how to use social media to get more customers.  There are times when my customer workload keeps me up until 1:00AM.  There are also times when business is slow, but I’m still up late using the inbound marketing strategies that I teach. In either case, I’ve learned some valuable lessons about making my time with my son 100% about him – not Twitter, my Blog or LinkedIn.   I’ve learned these things the hard way, which is how I learn most effectively. These are five lessons that I’ve learned that help me make 100% of the time with my son about him.

Five Time Management Tips That Work

1.  Create High Barriers To Distraction

Sounds simple enough, right?

Not so easy though, as I’m sure you’ve found.

For me, closing the laptop is not enough.  I need to take the darn thing on tuck it way up high above the kitchen cabinet – where it’s really hard for me to get it back down.

This essentially creates a higher barrier for me to even begin to entertain checking email or Twitter.

2.  Work in Short Spurts

On the weekends, if I have to do work, I’ve learned to keep it within short bursts.  This way, the majority of time is spent together – enjoying each other.

Two or three (max) mini work sessions  is what works for me.  My son is almost six – he needs my attention – a lot!

3.  Focus On One Task

If I need to get a project done, I’ll focus my time on that one task – to the exclusion of everything else – in a couple of 30-minute blocks of time throughout the day

It seems that 30 minutes is also the limit for my son.

To help me, I use a kitchen timer, which I like because the ticking noise ads that extra sense of urgency.

4.  Set Clear Expectations

When I set clear expectations, my son feels safe and loved.

If I say to my son, "I need to do some work for a while", he’s more likely to ask for my attention every five minutes.

But, If I say that I’m going to work for 30 minutes, then close my laptop, and then take him to the park, he’s much more likely to keep himself busy until I’m done.

5.  Show Your Appreciation

When I do have to work, even for a 30-minute burst, I always say express appreciation to my son.

"Thank you so much for letting me get some work done."

"You’re becoming such a big boy!"

"I’m so proud of you."

Obviously this makes him feel great – and goes way beyond mere positive reinforcement.   Praise builds happy confident children, which is way more important than any job or client project.

Creating His Childhood And Our Lives

Finally, I remind myself that the days I spend with my son are his childhood. How much love, connection, praise and support, can I give him during these crucial years. This is his childhood!  What kind of memories am I creating with him?

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit  his web site.

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Related Posts:

• Who Taught My Kid That Four Letter Word (RemarkableParents.com)
• How Social Media Has Taught Me To Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• Fostering Appreciation in Children (kidsgrowth.com)
• Day 15 of 15 Days of Work/Life Balance: Lessons Learned (jessicaknows.com)

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Quality time is so important.  Do you have any tips that you use to stay focused- at work?  with family?  during your alone time?

by Anita Bruzzese

Christmas Card vs

Family Newsletter

Several years ago a bit of a tiff started in newspaper advice columns regarding family newsletters.

On one side were the people who said something like:  “I’m sick of getting these ‘updates’ that are nothing more than a chance for people to brag about how wonderful their perfect children are and what awards they’ve won.”

Who cares?!

On the other side were the folks who said they looked forward to the missives, and they didn’t even care if a little bragging was involved.  “It’s a chance to stay connected,” these people argued. “It’s nothing to be mad about.”

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future. ”   — Alex Haley

The Doubt

As someone who faithfully sends a family newsletter every year, I worried.

What were my family and friends saying about me?

Was my newsletter something to be reviled and chucked in the recycling bin after they blew their nose on it?

The Test

So, one year I decided to test the waters and didn’t send a newsletter. I got an earful. “Where is your letter, you slacker?” a friend griped. “I read that thing to everyone at work. They look forward to it!”

An elderly aunt was more delicate: “Dear, is there something wrong? We’re worried since we didn’t get your letter this year, which is a highlight for us.”

Well, with those kinds of comments I  took it as a positive sign and ignored that niggling doubt my newsletters were a source of derision and disdain and decided to continue writing my messages.

Personally, I love getting newsletters from family and friends. To be honest, I don’t love them all equally. Some, I will admit, read like resumes. Some are just long-winded and boring. But in our fast-paced, hectic lives, I think it’s more important than ever that we stay truly connected.

The Writing Tips

So, here are some tips to help you write family messages that are treasured, not trashed.

• Avoid listing specific awards.

This is a real pet peeve of many people. If you say, “Amber received first place in the regional soccer competition hosted by….”  Blah, blah, blah.

Everyone skipped ahead as soon as they saw “first place” and “Amber.”

Instead, talk about why Amber loves soccer: “She says she pretends the ball is the boy in math class who bugs her.  She loves kicking the stuffing out of it.”

You can say you’re doing well at work, and love certain aspects of your job.  But to talk about how you were one of only five people recognized in your region for selling the most widgets?  Seriously?  Only your mom cares about that, and you probably already called and told her.

Spare the rest of the people in your life the litany of family awards.

• Tell a story.

Don’t list every town you stopped in on your summer vacation, where you ate and how much gas cost.

Pick an event – like when you went horse-back riding and found out your guide used to work for Brad Pitt – and highlight it.   People appreciate a good, short story.

It makes them feel much more a part of your life and helps them enjoy the experience as if they were there with you.

• Make it personal.

Don’t talk about yourself in the third person.   It sounds weird, like you’re a Hollywood diva with serious emotional issues. “Anita had a great year. Anita tripped and fell in front of the entire high school track team.”

Instead, “I had a great year, except for the day I tripped in front of the high school track team and one of them said, ‘When my Grandma fell like that, she broke a hip. Maybe we should call an ambulance.’”

• Keep it concise.

Really, all anyone wants to hear is some brief news about your family; what they’re doing; what interests them; any cool tidbits to pass along (“we found a great cabin at the lake for a really reasonable price and here’s the phone number…”); and that you’re hoping they’re doing well.

Kids change so much from year to year that it might seem tough to whittle down your newsletter to one page, but try.

As they say, always leave your audience wanting more.

Anita Bruzzese writes on her site 45 Things and  is the author of two books “45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy — And How To Avoid Them” and “Take This Job And Thrive“.  You can download a sample chapter of each of her book’s on her site for a preview.

Anita has written about workplace issues for more than a decade and is an award-winning journalist, as well as being the founding managing editor of the national magazine Employee Benefit News.

A study of 1,000 young people for Big Brothers Big Sisters showed that, compared to other groups, children with mentors were

• 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs
• 27% less likely to begin using alcohol
• 53% less likely to skip school
• 33% less likely to engage in school violence

In addition to the above statistics, mentored children also showed improved relationships with both their peers and their family’s.

A Mentor’s Story

Disheartening statistics isn’t what lured me into becoming a mentor, but my personality traits of  being helpful, having a giving heart, and believing in volunteer work that I believe sparked my interest in becoming a mentor.

A friend had mentioned that she had been a ‘Big Sister’ in her early 20s.   At that time I was 24 and had been on my own and supporting myself for 5 years.  I realized that I had extra time to take on a commitment like mentoring a child and after all the paperwork and background checks had been done, I spoke with a BBBS counselor named Neal with the Big Brothers & Big Sisters organization, .

Since it was Neal’s job was to match me with a Little Sister, I made sure he knew that I wanted the youngest girl available.  I had decided this wasn’t going to be ‘just a mentoring‘ relationship but instead a ‘lifelong friend‘.

Renee

On August 16, 1997 I met Renee.  She was 7 years old, which is younger than BBBS’s 8 year old requirement, but because of extending circumstances she was allowed to enter the program early.

The girls’ mother, in my opinion, gave her girls the best gift she could ever give them, especially since she was terminally ill, Renee and her three older sisters all had Big Sisters.

In the years to come not only did I help her with homework, take her places, make special projects, but I also made sure I got to know her family to help her understand and manage the relationships she had with her sisters, mother, and step-father.

Other than always touching base and becoming a part of her family I made her a part of mine and took her to all my family functions over the years.

Part Of Our Family

Renee was there when I got married, had my first two sons, and she was close enough to experience the pregnancy with my third son on a daily basis.  Due to her Mother’s illness, she became a permanent part of our family prior to having our third son.  That’s right — we filed for custody of her when her mother was no longer able to care for her.

As you can see this relationship has gone above and beyond any mentoring relationship that I know of, and for that we are so proud.

I can honestly say though that I’ve learned just as much or more from her as she has learned from me.  Now that I look back on the experience, while she was young , it seems to me that I was a “parent-in-training”  because a lot of the things I did with her I’m also doing with my own kids.  Wow!

Mentoring Resources

There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.

Mentor.org:
Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net:
Boys & Girls Clubs of America:

Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.

Let’s Talk

We can all use a mentor at some point in our life.

Who has been a big influence for you and how did he/she change your life?

Microsoft® Word 2007: introduction

Word 2007 enables users to create professional-quality documents, such as letters, brochures, newsletters and web pages. In this class, you’ll learn the basics of using Word 2007, and then move on to customizing the Word environment.

You’ll also learn how to create and edit documents, work with graphics, use editing and proofing functions and more.

• Learn the Word 2007 environment and become comfortable manipulating that environment to make workflow more efficient for individual style
• Create documents and edit documents
• Use formatting and page-layout functions
• Use editing and proofing functions
• Create graphics using SmartArt
• Create basic tables and use Quick Tables

Microsoft® PowerPoint 2007: introduction

Microsoft PowerPoint® 2007 is a full-featured program for creating professional-quality presentations. In this free Microsoft PowerPoint tutorial, you’ll learn how to customize the PowerPoint 2007 environment, use presentation views to maximize efficiency, apply color schemes and document themes and create a basic presentation with text and simple graphics.

• Explore the PowerPoint 2007 environment
• Understand the most important tools and features of PowerPoint 2007
• Create documents and edit documents
• Use different views to improve efficiency
• Apply color schemes and document themes
• Create a basic presentation using text and simple graphics

Microsoft® Excel 2007: introduction

In this free online class, you’ll explore the Excel® interface and learn to enter, edit and format data and use Microsoft Excel formulas and functions to calculate and analyze numeric data. You’ll also get tips on using Microsoft Excel for simplifying many tasks.

• Learn how Excel can help you organize, analyze and present data
• Create simple, effective spreadsheets that include text and numeric data
• Use formulas and functions to perform automatically updating mathematical calculations
• Apply attractive formatting to worksheet rows, columns and cells to make data more readable and interesting

Writing a high-impact business plan

If you’re starting or expanding a small business, this course gets you started on the process of writing a business plan that will impress potential investors and help you get the funding you need. The course is based on The McGraw-Hill Guide to Writing a High-Impact Business Plan: A Proven Blueprint for Entrepreneurs by James B. Arkebauer.

• Understand the importance of creating a good business plan, and the level of effort required
• Learn the components of a comprehensive business plan
• Get background for writing the most important part of your plan: the business description
• Find out how to describe your market and develop a definitive operation plan

Build your business identity with a new logo

This class will help you build a true business identity. To brainstorm business logo ideas, you’ll take a close look at your business and identify what makes it unique. Next, you’ll learn to translate those distinct qualities into a relevant business logo design that sets you apart from the competition. Finally, you’ll explore the different ways you can use your new company logo design to create high-quality color business documents in-house.

• Brainstorm business logo ideas by clearly articulating what makes your business unique
• Have a logo that truly personifies your business
• Be familiar with the ways you can use a business logo in marketing materials
• Use your business logo design to create in-house the marketing materials you need to succeed

How to build your first website

Websites aren’t magic.

Planning, designing and implementing a site for yourself, your small business, your family or your model car club is well within the capabilities of any person with a reasonable amount of computer know-how.

A broad range of free and low-cost tools are available to assist the novice web publisher. This class shows you how you can let these tools do the technical work while you focus on your vision. Podcast version of this class available.

• Design an effective website from scratch
• Discover tips and tools to help you build a site you can be proud of
• Build a website
• Get your site published on the World Wide Web
• Add audio, video or slide shows to your website
• Promote the site and keep visitors coming back again and again

You may have noticed that there are some banner ads lately on Remarkable Parents.

The banners here are hand chosen by us and are friends whose web sites and mission we fully believe in. These resources are real and not a get rich quick scheme. Introducing Michelle Vandepas of “Divine Purpose Unleashed”!

Divine Purpose Unleashed

by Michelle Vandepas

Do You Have a Divine Life Purpose?

Or maybe you’ve considered that your purpose is raising your children? You love your family but wonder, is there more to life than diapers, meal planning and dirty bathtubs? We all know that having a family is part of your Divine experience here on earth, but is there more…….?

Do Others Think Your Life Is Perfect?

Most of my friends always thought my life was perfect. I have a wonderful family, nice home and great job, but before I was tapped into my purpose I always felt something was missing. Late at night I’d ask myself the big questions. What was I really here to do? Was this all there was to life?

Shouldn’t I Be Happy?

Why wasn’t I happy? I had everything except the most important thing. I didn’t feel fulfilled. My job was fantastic. Nevertheless, it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t reconcile the present reality, with where I wanted to be. Inside myself was always a yearning, a longing to be ‘doing’ something else.

Forget Trying to Figure it Out!

For years I tried to analyze my purpose. I knew what I didn’t want to do, and I knew a few things I loved, but I couldn’t quite get a handle on what it all meant in the bigger picture. I had some leadership skills, but did that mean I was supposed to be a manager? I’m creative, was I supposed to be an artist? And that’s the trouble. We try to figure it out in our minds. And in the process we confuse our ‘roles’ like, ‘employee’, or’ mother,’ or ‘artist,’ with our purpose. Our purpose may be to be creative, or to lead, and once we tap into those energies that give our lives meaning and purpose, then we can bring them onto all areas of our life, including into our ‘roles’.

Our Hearts will follow up with a possible step:

• Where can I enroll in art class?
• I could write in the bathroom for 5 minutes.
• Maybe I could walk at lunch tomorrow.

Our Minds Don’t Lead Us

Our Hearts do. Our Intuition does. Yet our minds are important. Our minds help us discern if the timing is right and what steps we can take to move toward our purpose. These are some questions that may come from your mind:

• How can I follow my heart when I’m not happy in my job but I’ve got a family to feed?
• How can I pay my bills and live with Spirit?
• Must give up my profession and live in poverty in order to discover meaning and purpose?

When We Listen, Our Intuition Will Give Us Guidance:

Our Intuition won’t fail us, but we need to strengthen the skill of listening to it. We hear our nudges:

• An art class sounds rejuvenating
• used to write poetry in school.
• My mind needs a long walk.

We get scared. Instead of just following, gently with a small step, we go into panic. These nudges must mean I have to become a full time artist, or we think, I’ll never write a book of poetry; I can’t walk across the USA. We take the nudge all the way into how our life will change over the next ten years. That is our mind in overdrive. Hyper imaginative. Our heart is mearly giving us instruction for our next step.

Our Hearts will follow up with a possible step:

• Where can I enroll in art class?
• I could write in the bathroom for 5 minutes.
• Maybe I could walk at lunch tomorrow.

Are You Stuck?

One way to wake up your heart is to try new and different things. Maybe you don’t even know what your heart-bursting activities are. We bury them deep inside. Try this. Make a long list of things you loved to do as a child, things you would like to try and things you love to do now. Take pen and paper and quickly, don’t think about it. No censoring. Yes, 100 things. Quick! When you run out of ideas keep writing the list of things you might have liked to do as a child, then add to it things your friends liked to do. Activities, even creative ones, are the road to your purpose, they are not your purpose. Painting may be something you love to do, and perhaps you are gifted, but if you make the mistake of believing that painting is your purpose, and then when you might lack inspiration for the day, you’ll feel without purpose, maybe even depressed. Better to find a new outlook on purpose and consider that creativity, or designing beauty, or visioning are more closely related to your purpose.

Now Start!

What did you write down? Reading? Dancing, Running? Building rocket ships? Playing with dolls, studying the stars? These may be activities that will help get you closer to your dreams, and in turn, to your Divine Life Purpose. Take one of the items on the list and try it. Want to dance? Your dreams don’t need dance lessons, try dancing around the living room, once a day for a week. Maybe your heart just wants to go outside and stare at the dark night for ten minutes. Great! Don’t wait for a thousand dollars and the new telescope to manifest. If you’ve got a dream, or a wish, this could be a window into your Divine Purpose. What if all we needed to live our purpose was a gentle nudge to have more fun, open our heart, and be more connected to our own Spirit? Perhaps we each have the power to turn on the switch inside ourselves to ‘enlighten’ our heart’s desire? And that will lead us to Divine Purpose.

How Do I Find Purpose In My Work?

Eventually, you may turn your passion into a business or a job, however it isn’t a necessity. There are plenty of bus drivers who have a purpose to serve, and many a nurse whose purpose is nuturing. There are also nurses who don’t work with patients, but have found purpose by switching to a scientific side of nursing. When you are aware that your purpose isn’t your job, then you can bring purpose into your job!

Enjoy the Process

Today, bask in your spiritual gift of stargazing, painting, or sitting in the stillness. Your gift to the world doesn’t have to involve money or product. Your gift to the world is being you, fully Human, living in the joy with an expanded heart. Reconnecting with your Spirit. Rediscovering what makes your heart sing, here in the moment. Following your bliss.

And that is your Divine Purpose.

Bio: Michelle Vandepas is living her Divine Purpose by sharing tools to inspire others to live with passion and purpose. Michelle is a Doctor of Divinity and a Reiki Master. She is also an Entrepreneur and co-founder of Divine Purpose Unleashed, LLC and founder of ‘Conscious Destiny‘, LLC, companies that enhance Creativity, Consciousness, Integrity, Purpose, Passion and Intuition.

I will be introducing you to many other “Friends that Rock!”, yes unbelievably I have quite a few and I want to share them with all of you!

Another great resource about finding your divine purpose is the book “Achievement IQ Moments” by Stanley F. Bronstein which I briefly reviewed (yes, you’ll meet him later in a “Friends that Rock” post). Do you feel that you’ve found your divine purpose? Are you in the process of living your purpose? What do you feel your divine purpose is? Is it obtainable?

Mickey Mouse is an american icon!

No matter what generation you are from, Mickey Mouse is part of our culture.

In Disney World’s EPCOT ( “Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow”) Center an area is devoted to agricultural technology, where several large greenhouses encompass about 2.5 million square feet of area!

EPCOT Is Growing Mickey Mouse Ear Pumpkins!

One of the things that EPCOT has been experimenting with in Eco Friendly gardening is growing vegetables within their own self sestaining ecosystems.

In the picture to the right, pumpkins are being grown inside forms shaped to look like Mickey Mouse’s ears. The pumpkins will grow within the form and eventually will take on its full shape characteristics.

Can Vegetables Be Fun!

Every parent has been there. We all have tried to get our children to eat their vegetables. We have either succeeded, failed, or reached a of compromise somewhere in between.

What if vegetables were fun, different and interesting?

Vegiforms are 1/8″ thick, clear plastic forms that you securely fix over the growing vegetable, as the vegetable grows it conforms to the shape of the mold.

One of the forms available is of an elf head. This form is used for shaping eggplant, melon, pumpkin, gords, and squash.

The “pickled pair” can be used with cucumber, zucchini and summer squash.

Even though my kids are older, I think I’m going to pick these up as gifts for a few friends.
They might even encourage children to eat their vegetables.

If you are interested in purchasing Vegiforms or seeing their products in more detail go to their web site.

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Whack A Mole

In my own personal growth, many times I feel like an unwilling participant in a flurried session of Whack-A-Mole! The arcade game.

This player is an expert and whacking moles is what he does! Getting whacked over and over does three things well; it makes your head hurt, gives you a renewed sense of urgency, and instills a strong conviction not to do this again!

Properly motivated now, the story moves on…

I did what I always do when life gets rough and I feel a little whacked.

I went to the local Barnes and Noble bookstore – with the connected Starbucks cafe. A girls gotta get a good cup of coffee and unwind sometimes!

Books

I walk in, find the section that has the kind of book I want, and I start scanning. I look at the books, pulling a couple out so I can read the inner sleeve and back cover.

Interesting?

Goes in the pile to the right.

Boring?

Goes back on the shelf.

This goes on until I have a pile of books — the maximum I can carry across
the bookstore to the Barnes & Noble cafe.

In the cafe, I get a large cup of coffee as I prepare to read the first three pages of each of the fifteen books I just carted across the bookstore like a true geek.

The total time spent on this expedition? Usually about three hours.

Information

Yes, I could talk to a friend or family, but many times it’s just easier to go find your own answers!

I like books when I want to get another person’s perspective, preferably someone who a) is not a crazy and b) someone who knows the subject matter. It’s not easy to find a good author with something meaningful to say when you need it!

I was searching for a book that would help motivate me and not a bull-sh*t filled book that would make me feel warm and fuzzy. I need someone to tell me like it is, not someone telling me what I want to hear in five easy steps.

Life Strategies

A book that really helped me change my thinking was “Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters” by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. If you’re thinking, “Is that Dr. Phil”? You are right, it is Dr. Phil. I’ve heard several people say they don’t like him and his tv show, I don’t get a chance to watch it, so I don’t know. I will say however that I found a ton of value in this particular book!

Phillip M: “Most people cheat themselves by not asking themselves the hard questions, not facing their true personality and behavior, and therefore not addressing the nitty-gritty issues undermining their efforts to succeed.”

Vicky H: Ouch! Hate it when people do that.

Phillip M: “You are accountable for your life. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or sad, fair of unfair, you own your life! If you are not happy, you are accountable. Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating the results that are your life. Lean how to choose better so you have better.”

Vicky H: Ouch! This was almost worse then participating in a whack-a-mole game.

Phillip M: “Whatever your life circumstances, accept that you can no longer dodge the responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is.

Taking responsibility doesn’t just mean giving “lip service” to being accountable by saying “Okay, I’m accountable”. If you don’t accept accountability, you will misdiagnose every problem you have. If you misdiagnose, you will mistreat. If you mistreat, you won’t get better, plain and simple.”

Vicky H: [ I keep reading...]

Phillip M: “Adopt an attitude of questioning and challenging everything in your life that you can identify as being accepted on blind faith or as having been adopted out of tradition or history. Consider patterns in your personal, professional, family, and social areas.

You will be surprised at how much of your life involves patterns where you do things in a certain way simply because someone else who didn’t know any more than you, did them that way. You will, of course, find certain things that withstand the challenge and therefore should be embraced. You will also identity things that do not withstand the challenge and therefore should be modified or abandoned.”

Our brains love micro-processing. Our brain wants to be efficient. It wants to find the answer, file the thought away and move on to the next thought.

Reusing our previous decisions over and over is quick, but does it serve us well? In my personal case, no. After spending the better part of a year giving my thoughts and their patterns a makeover, I think I made a huge leap forward — and from that point I’ve never looked back.

Ways I Have Changed

After learning this, I don’t take as many things for granted and I try to put myself in the other persons shoes more. Thinking differently is now getting me different results. I can now see many of these patterns in advance and I consciously re-evaluate their need to exist.

In the pre-teen and teen years children start the transformation towards defining their individuality. Reevaluating my own values and choices makes me realize how much I have changed over the years.

This has helped me to understand my kids changing and to appreciate, love, and embrace their uniqueness for both their god given gifts, as well as their shortcomings.

Sensible pondering is much more zen than being whacked like a mole.

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