I see my son Thursday through Saturday night and sometimes Sundays. Because of my limited time with him, it’s important that I focus my time with him in the best possible way. But this is not as easy as it sounds.
Managing My Time
In addition to being a Dad, I also run my own business. I consult with non-profits and businesses on how to use social media to get more customers. There are times when my customer workload keeps me up until 1:00AM. There are also times when business is slow, but I’m still up late using the inbound marketing strategies that I teach. In either case, I’ve learned some valuable lessons about making my time with my son 100% about him – not Twitter, my Blog or LinkedIn. I’ve learned these things the hard way, which is how I learn most effectively. These are five lessons that I’ve learned that help me make 100% of the time with my son about him.
Five Time Management Tips That Work
1. Create High Barriers To Distraction
Sounds simple enough, right?
Not so easy though, as I’m sure you’ve found.
For me, closing the laptop is not enough. I need to take the darn thing on tuck it way up high above the kitchen cabinet – where it’s really hard for me to get it back down.
This essentially creates a higher barrier for me to even begin to entertain checking email or Twitter.
2. Work in Short Spurts
On the weekends, if I have to do work, I’ve learned to keep it within short bursts. This way, the majority of time is spent together – enjoying each other.
Two or three (max) mini work sessions is what works for me. My son is almost six – he needs my attention – a lot!
3. Focus On One Task
If I need to get a project done, I’ll focus my time on that one task – to the exclusion of everything else – in a couple of 30-minute blocks of time throughout the day
It seems that 30 minutes is also the limit for my son.
To help me, I use a kitchen timer, which I like because the ticking noise ads that extra sense of urgency.
4. Set Clear Expectations
When I set clear expectations, my son feels safe and loved.
If I say to my son, "I need to do some work for a while", he’s more likely to ask for my attention every five minutes.
But, If I say that I’m going to work for 30 minutes, then close my laptop, and then take him to the park, he’s much more likely to keep himself busy until I’m done.
5. Show Your Appreciation
When I do have to work, even for a 30-minute burst, I always say express appreciation to my son.
"Thank you so much for letting me get some work done."
"You’re becoming such a big boy!"
"I’m so proud of you."
Obviously this makes him feel great – and goes way beyond mere positive reinforcement. Praise builds happy confident children, which is way more important than any job or client project.
Creating His Childhood And Our Lives
Finally, I remind myself that the days I spend with my son are his childhood. How much love, connection, praise and support, can I give him during these crucial years. This is his childhood! What kind of memories am I creating with him?
Remarkable Parents Team Bio:
John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit his web site.
Wonderful article John, with lots of good tips! Being a stay-at-home Mom where my kids are my job allows me very little time to blog, but I fit it in when I can because they come first. It’s comforting to see other parents struggle too with balancing working at home with being a good and attentive parent. I know I’m not alone.
@John One of the things that I love about this article is that even though it is about you and your little boy with you being a single dad, this is really an issue that most people experience.
I think we are all guilty at times of not focusing our full attention on our family’s.
I personally love tip 1, hiding your laptop and putting it somewhere very inconvenient to get. I’m going to do that one myself, because ‘the virtual force’ is strong.
@Sherry I agree that it is heartwarming to know that other parents struggle with the same issues we do. That was one of the main reasons that Remarkable Parents was created; to let parents know they are not alone.
I’m also so glad we can comment on posts. Sharing of tips, best practices, and opinions in the comments is a big part of why blogging is such a great medium.
Great post John! Glad to have you on the Remarkable Parents Author Team, John will be writing a post per month for the next year! It’s in writing, no backing out now, lol
We’re similar, John. I’ve got three little ones at home (my main workplace). I make a living advising people and companies/organizations re: blogging and social media.
I couldn’t agree more with these tips. It’s unrealistic to expect to be able to work uninterrupted for long stretches all the time in our situation. It’s all in how you look at it. Are the interruptions annoying or refreshing? You have to choose how to see them.
That “focus on one task” is so crucial. I’m not perfect at it by any means, but on the days when I strive to tackle my work in linear fashion – most pressing item first, least pressing things last, no matter how “fun” or “not fun” things are – then I get to the end of the day feeling uplifted and at peace.
Thanks for sharing these ideas! And glad to know you’ll be writing more at this blog!
Haven’t read Leo’s book yet, John, but I do enjoy Zen Habits very much. That principle really is a powerful one – reduce your work and your life to the essentials and build from there.
@John @Easton I have “The Power Of Less” and love it. The book has a very ‘readable’ layout; plenty of white space, nice sized font and is surprisingly (or actually unsurprisingly not really thick). It’s written to be very clear and to the point. He DID ‘Put his money where his mouth is’ because the books format, layout and length is really a lesson in ‘The Power of Less’.
I would Recommend it to everyone.
I also love Zen Habits! I hadn’t realized that Leo Babouta was who he was with Zen Habits til after I bought the book. Made me take the advice in the book even more seriously after that realization.
What a great conversation, I’m enjoying this so much!
I’m here via an @chrisgarrett tweet about your post and I was thinkin’ “Yes!” while I read it. I’m a blogger/hobbiest who makes a small income from writing, but I don’t know how in the world I could have done this when my children were younger (they’re now 12, 14 & 16) (and your son will be “here” when you blink a few times!!).
From observation, I’m concerned that a LOT of children are growing up watching the back of their parents’ heads and listening to the click of a keyboard. Some great bloggers are moms with young children and I’ve found myself wanting to warn them about how fleeting those years are! Their children WILL remember competing with a laptop or desktop when they’re out of the house.
I guess it’s a modern-day version of “The Cat’s in the Cradle” (are you too young to know that reference? lol).
Anyway, your post offers concrete actions to help avoid the above; a very real difference from the scenario I mention is that this IS your job and you DO have to work. Yet, you’ve found ways to manage your time and shared that insight with those who struggle as well.
[...] 1. Kids are more respectful to those who respect them. 2. Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say. 3. Kids truly want to please adults. 4. Kids need positive feedback more than negative. 5. Kids want and need quality time with you. 6. Kids need to feel special. [...]
[...] Childhood Are You Giving Your Kids? December 3, 2009 I read this on John Haydon’s blog today and I felt a noticeable warming sensation move through my entire body. He said, Finally, I [...]
Wonderful article John, with lots of good tips! Being a stay-at-home Mom where my kids are my job allows me very little time to blog, but I fit it in when I can because they come first. It’s comforting to see other parents struggle too with balancing working at home with being a good and attentive parent. I know I’m not alone.
Sherry – thanks! Most of my friends, even those who are married, struggle with making time for their kids.
@John One of the things that I love about this article is that even though it is about you and your little boy with you being a single dad, this is really an issue that most people experience.
I think we are all guilty at times of not focusing our full attention on our family’s.
I personally love tip 1, hiding your laptop and putting it somewhere very inconvenient to get. I’m going to do that one myself, because ‘the virtual force’ is strong.
@Sherry I agree that it is heartwarming to know that other parents struggle with the same issues we do. That was one of the main reasons that Remarkable Parents was created; to let parents know they are not alone.
I’m also so glad we can comment on posts. Sharing of tips, best practices, and opinions in the comments is a big part of why blogging is such a great medium.
Great post John! Glad to have you on the Remarkable Parents Author Team, John will be writing a post per month for the next year! It’s in writing, no backing out now, lol
We’re similar, John. I’ve got three little ones at home (my main workplace). I make a living advising people and companies/organizations re: blogging and social media.
I couldn’t agree more with these tips. It’s unrealistic to expect to be able to work uninterrupted for long stretches all the time in our situation. It’s all in how you look at it. Are the interruptions annoying or refreshing? You have to choose how to see them.
That “focus on one task” is so crucial. I’m not perfect at it by any means, but on the days when I strive to tackle my work in linear fashion – most pressing item first, least pressing things last, no matter how “fun” or “not fun” things are – then I get to the end of the day feeling uplifted and at peace.
Thanks for sharing these ideas! And glad to know you’ll be writing more at this blog!
@Vicky – Thanks for having me – I hope you’ll have me back!
@Easton – A great book I’ve recently been reading (and not just because it’s short) is “The Power of Less” by Leo Babouta. Have you read it?
Haven’t read Leo’s book yet, John, but I do enjoy Zen Habits very much. That principle really is a powerful one – reduce your work and your life to the essentials and build from there.
@John @Easton I have “The Power Of Less” and love it. The book has a very ‘readable’ layout; plenty of white space, nice sized font and is surprisingly (or actually unsurprisingly not really thick). It’s written to be very clear and to the point. He DID ‘Put his money where his mouth is’ because the books format, layout and length is really a lesson in ‘The Power of Less’.
I would Recommend it to everyone.
I also love Zen Habits! I hadn’t realized that Leo Babouta was who he was with Zen Habits til after I bought the book. Made me take the advice in the book even more seriously after that realization.
What a great conversation, I’m enjoying this so much!
Thanks for the wisdom, John. I experience the same challenges daily, and think your insights are really helpful.
As I read your post, a quote came to mind. “We do not remember days, we remember moments” -Cesare Pavese
It is easy to overcomplicate things. Thanks for your suggestions. This was a great post!
Hey John,
I’m here via an @chrisgarrett tweet about your post and I was thinkin’ “Yes!” while I read it. I’m a blogger/hobbiest who makes a small income from writing, but I don’t know how in the world I could have done this when my children were younger (they’re now 12, 14 & 16) (and your son will be “here” when you blink a few times!!).
From observation, I’m concerned that a LOT of children are growing up watching the back of their parents’ heads and listening to the click of a keyboard. Some great bloggers are moms with young children and I’ve found myself wanting to warn them about how fleeting those years are! Their children WILL remember competing with a laptop or desktop when they’re out of the house.
I guess it’s a modern-day version of “The Cat’s in the Cradle” (are you too young to know that reference? lol).
Anyway, your post offers concrete actions to help avoid the above; a very real difference from the scenario I mention is that this IS your job and you DO have to work. Yet, you’ve found ways to manage your time and shared that insight with those who struggle as well.
Nice job…:)
Robin,
A great multimedia presentation that I love is at: http://www.theyearsareshort.com/ It’s a little cheezy, but get’s the point across:
“The days are long. But the years are short.”
Thanks for stopping by!
John
[...] 1. Kids are more respectful to those who respect them. 2. Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say. 3. Kids truly want to please adults. 4. Kids need positive feedback more than negative. 5. Kids want and need quality time with you. 6. Kids need to feel special. [...]
Proud to know you John. I encounter so many parents who have no clue about this stuff. Thanks for making the simple – simple.
Great stuff.
Blessings,
Frank
[...] Childhood Are You Giving Your Kids? December 3, 2009 I read this on John Haydon’s blog today and I felt a noticeable warming sensation move through my entire body. He said, Finally, I [...]
Great tips, I can totally relate as a graphic design dad, working from a home office, always up late and balancing work/life issues.