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He loves playing Batman and Diego and entering his name as the “highest scorer” at the end of each game (well, most games). He also enjoys playing PBS Kids games and the games at KidsAreHeroes.com.
Playing Video Games
And while I’m not a child psychologist, I believe that too much time in front of a video game, is not good for his development. I also believe that the most important thing I can give my son, and what he really wants the most, is my attention.
So we’ve developed the habit of frequently playing these games together.
This allows us to connect with each other on his terms. Plus it allows me to be the game’s “teaching assistant”.
Playing Together Developing our own Games
As we played together, these games would start to “play out” in the other activities we did:
Drawing pictures
Very naturally, my son started drawing pictures of the characters in the video games. He outlined the bowling lanes, the race car tracks, the mazes. This allowed him another way to understand what he was learning. Drawing also allowed me to extend my role of “assistant teacher” into these drawing activities.
Playing games outside
Instead of teaching my son the rules of a game he wasn’t interested in (i.e. Baseball or Soccer), I allowed him to make up the rules. The soccer ball because a cannon ball. Wiffle ball bats became robot arms. He decided how points were won (which was always in his favor…).
Grocery shopping
We developed a habit of counting apples by twos and threes just like he was learning in his games. We started sounding out the words on cereal boxes. We turned the shopping isles into a giant maze.
Is There a Solution?
I guess my point with all this is that, as parents, often hear how bad TV and video games are for our kids, but we too quickly conclude that the “solution” to this problem is to “just watch less”.
As a culture, we don’t want to admit that neglecting our kids could be the real problem (ouch!). We rarely consider other ways to approach the “Too much TV; too many video games” problem. What I learned through my own experience (and again, I’m no Einstein), is that there are ways to naturally bring the attention away from the screen.
Instead of trying to pull them away from the video game, why not join them? See to understand your child – and the games they play – on their terms.
My son’s Karate teacher, Sensei Craig, said something to me one night that always sticks in my mind:
“What kids want more than anything in the world is your time. They want this more than any toy or video game.”
By making my son’s agenda our number one focus, I’ve learned how to better connect with him, and have a great time learning from each other!
Remarkable Parents Team Bio:
John Haydon is a single father of a 6 year old boy and runs his own business advising non-profits, small business and social entrepreneurs on how to implement inbound marketing strategies with the social web. If you would like to contact John you can find him on Twitter at @johnhaydon or visit his web site.
You often here, “What you resist, persists.” The mindset of pitting parents against “screen time” often makes kids want it even more. And admit it, TV and video games are fun! So I love your solution, John because it stays away from judging something that your son enjoys and making it “bad.” Just think of the inner conflict and years of therapy you are saving him from!
Come to think of it, my grandpa did the same thing you did with me. We used to play a lot of computer games together. Although it takes a big imagination to eloborate on PONG.
My daughter was anti-TV…big time. So, she didn’t allow her daughters to watch TV at all. When the youngest was 5 years old, I took her to an educational event at a local mall and had lunch in the food court. Above all the noise of the crowd, a TV monitor was showing a cartoon–muted. She was mesmerized to the images on the screen–I couldn’t get her attention away from being glued to the TV, despite the fact that what she was viewing couldn’t have made sense to her.
I suspect that NO TV may not be the best plan. Instead, monitored and infrequent TV watching opportunities might provide an excellent experience to guide children to learn about TV, valuable TV programs and prevent a mindless facination with “what-ever-is-on” TV.
@Judy No TV is a good plan if you can guarantee that they will never encounter a TV, which is unlikely. Reasonable amounts of mostly educational TV shows seems the best way to prevent mindless watching of TV.
Great post! I completely agree. For some families no TV/video games may work. But, I haven’t seen that happen in my family. In fact, I’ve seen the exact opposite effect. Growing up, my cousins were not allowed to watch any TV at their home. The result, in their case was that they all (9 of them), to a person, would do nothing but watch TV whenever they had the opportunity. For at least one of them, the ultimate result was flunking out of college, because he was so addicted to the television. As adults and parents themselves, each one has chosen to take a more moderate approach with their own children.
In my case, I’m with you, John. I try to participate with my son. He’s really into Bakugan right now, so I let him watch the show, but we also read the books (not great lit, but it’s reading), organize his cards alphabetically, do the math required to play the game, draw the characters. And, now, you’ve given me even more ideas about how to engage with him more fully.
My best friend when I was growing up who was not allowed to watch tv (actually when their tv went bad, they just never got another one) or eat any junk food.
Every day after school we would go to the store and buy junk food. I usually didn’t buy any she just did, but she ate it in excess. I think it has to be a family decision with buy in from everyone or it does sometimes seem like a punishment to kids. Or they do the opposite of what you want just out of rebellion.
Talibah – My son used to be into Bakugan. Now he’s into Bionicles.
Vicky – The one concern I have about completely shutting out TV is that, later on, it could create a desire within him to have it in excess. My approach is to not give TV too much energy either way, because some TV is good (Sesame Street, PBS Kids).
@johnhaydon I’m not advocating totally shutting down the tv, I was just sharing a situation from my teen years when my best friends parents decided to not have a tv. Personally I would not totally remove it, maybe block/make certain channels to need a password, but I wouldn’t remove it. This is my personal preference.
My boys do spend quite a bit of time on their PC during the week days. Moderation is the key here in controlling the time they spend infront of a screen.
We do a lot of outside activities too during our weekends.
You often here, “What you resist, persists.” The mindset of pitting parents against “screen time” often makes kids want it even more. And admit it, TV and video games are fun! So I love your solution, John because it stays away from judging something that your son enjoys and making it “bad.” Just think of the inner conflict and years of therapy you are saving him from!
Come to think of it, my grandpa did the same thing you did with me. We used to play a lot of computer games together. Although it takes a big imagination to eloborate on PONG.
Thanks, Ria!
My daughter was anti-TV…big time. So, she didn’t allow her daughters to watch TV at all. When the youngest was 5 years old, I took her to an educational event at a local mall and had lunch in the food court. Above all the noise of the crowd, a TV monitor was showing a cartoon–muted. She was mesmerized to the images on the screen–I couldn’t get her attention away from being glued to the TV, despite the fact that what she was viewing couldn’t have made sense to her.
I suspect that NO TV may not be the best plan. Instead, monitored and infrequent TV watching opportunities might provide an excellent experience to guide children to learn about TV, valuable TV programs and prevent a mindless facination with “what-ever-is-on” TV.
@Judy No TV is a good plan if you can guarantee that they will never encounter a TV, which is unlikely. Reasonable amounts of mostly educational TV shows seems the best way to prevent mindless watching of TV.
Great post! I completely agree. For some families no TV/video games may work. But, I haven’t seen that happen in my family. In fact, I’ve seen the exact opposite effect. Growing up, my cousins were not allowed to watch any TV at their home. The result, in their case was that they all (9 of them), to a person, would do nothing but watch TV whenever they had the opportunity. For at least one of them, the ultimate result was flunking out of college, because he was so addicted to the television. As adults and parents themselves, each one has chosen to take a more moderate approach with their own children.
In my case, I’m with you, John. I try to participate with my son. He’s really into Bakugan right now, so I let him watch the show, but we also read the books (not great lit, but it’s reading), organize his cards alphabetically, do the math required to play the game, draw the characters. And, now, you’ve given me even more ideas about how to engage with him more fully.
Thanks!
My best friend when I was growing up who was not allowed to watch tv (actually when their tv went bad, they just never got another one) or eat any junk food.
Every day after school we would go to the store and buy junk food. I usually didn’t buy any she just did, but she ate it in excess. I think it has to be a family decision with buy in from everyone or it does sometimes seem like a punishment to kids. Or they do the opposite of what you want just out of rebellion.
Interesting discussion.
Talibah – My son used to be into Bakugan. Now he’s into Bionicles.
Vicky – The one concern I have about completely shutting out TV is that, later on, it could create a desire within him to have it in excess. My approach is to not give TV too much energy either way, because some TV is good (Sesame Street, PBS Kids).
@johnhaydon I’m not advocating totally shutting down the tv, I was just sharing a situation from my teen years when my best friends parents decided to not have a tv. Personally I would not totally remove it, maybe block/make certain channels to need a password, but I wouldn’t remove it. This is my personal preference.
Great discussion.
That would be my approach too.
My boys do spend quite a bit of time on their PC during the week days. Moderation is the key here in controlling the time they spend infront of a screen.
We do a lot of outside activities too during our weekends.
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