Posted June 25th, 2008 by Vicky H in Guests, Parenting
Featured Guest Article
by Ann Handley
In her new book released last fall, “Deceptively Delicious,” Jessica Seinfeld slips chick peas into her chocolate chip cookies and purees butternut squash into her mac and cheese. The general premise is tat kid food is fried and white. But if you slip in something on the sly — say cauliflower into mashed potatoes, or sweet potato into pancakes — then you can trick your kids into eating the stuff you want them to, minus the tantrums and tears.
Jessica, who is married to the comic Jerry Seinfeld, was in the news a few months ago because Missy Chase Lapine, who authored a similar book called “The Sneaky Chef,” insists that “Deceptively Delicious” is nothing but a riff on her ideas. The Seinfeld’s contest as much.
But whatever. The problem isn’t whether Jessica was the first mother to hide flaxseed in chicken nuggets and then write about it. The problem is that, as Wall Street Journal’s Raymond Sokolov wrote, “These women treat vegetables the way Victorian mothers treated sex, with silence.”
Or, as Stefania Pomponi Butler wrote, “The bottom line is this: I don’t want my food to be deceptively delicious. I want it to be delicious. Full stop.”
In other words, instead of encouraging kids to try new foods, or simply setting them on the table, the cookbooks infantilize kids’ taste by both removing choices and pandering to the lowest common denominator in their developing palates. Instead of simply setting vegetables on the dinner table, gloriously naked and recognizable, the authors suggest that you pull one over on your kids and veil the veggies as something else entirely: mac and cheese, nuggets, pancakes. You know the stuff.
Food is only part of it. A year or so ago, Verizon launched a new cell-phone service that will alert you if your kids wander beyond a perimeter that you set for them. Around that time, the Boston Globe wrote about how state and national ruling bodies for youth soccer leagues have recommended that scores and standings not be kept in under-10 leagues, saying it’s best not to track “winners” and “losers.” My 11-year-old daughter’s town soccer team doesn’t keep score, either.
All of these seemingly unrelated things are, in my view, linked. They seem to speak to good intentions gone slightly awry: as if our need to protect our kids has morphed into a tendency to infantilize them. I wonder – about my own two kids and their friends and the generation at large – are we doing them any favors? Is all of this supervision and control and hiding vegetables helping them grow up? Or is it really keeping them young?
My own two kids, at 11 and 16, have little of the freedom I did at their age. It’s not that their afternoons are packed with lessons and tutoring and practices. Because they aren’t… although we have our share of all three. It’s just that their lives are more choreographed and coordinated than mine ever was. The older one has a cell phone, and the younger one covets it. She doesn’t yet have a sense of how much a cell phone can cramp a kid’s style or, at the very least, limit the ability to run amuck.
Occasionally I compare this to my own 16-year-old self: when I was my son’s age, I had a lot more freedom (and flat-out free time). I’d already made some teenage mistakes and learned from them; I’d already experienced a few things in life that I’m certain – more or less — my son hasn’t. Nothing anything truly serious, but enough to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.
With access to the Internet and technology, my son may be more sophisticated than I was at his age. But frankly, I was wiser.
Which is frustrating for a parent to realize, and it makes me wonder about the ripple effects of our supervised playtimes, hidden vegetables, and cell-phone leashes. It also makes me wonder what the downside is to a culture increasingly skewed toward staying younger longer.
Sure, 40 is the new 30. But is 18 the new 8?
As Sokolov writes, “Very few childhood bedwetters go off to college with rubber sheets. Picky eaters also mature….”
That is, if we let them.
Ann Handley is Chief Content Officer of MarketingProfs as well as a writer and editor.
Read more by Ann Handley at A n n a r c h y, her blog on parenting, technology, personal history, pop culture, and an occasional shot of humor:
Beta Before Alpha
“Hey Pretty Lady!”
A Virgin in Hollister
The Shadow Knows: Watching Superbad with my Son
American Idolatry
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Comments (9)
“Around that time, the Boston Globe wrote about how state and national ruling bodies for youth soccer leagues have recommended that scores and standings not be kept in under-10 leagues, saying it’s best not to track “winners” and “losers.” My 11-year-old daughter’s town soccer team doesn’t keep score, either.”
I’ve never understood why some people think it’s in a child’s best interest to coddle them from reality for as long as possible. All that does it make it that much more difficult for them to accept ‘the real world’ when it comes calling.
And it always does.
Ann, this is so on target…bravo! I completely agree that today we do infantalize our kids (and I think that’s true for both “Alpha” or “Beta” moms). I don’t understand why “we” think we have to deceive our kids. What happened to “because I said so,”? And unfortunately having “everybody win,” is detrimental beyond the individual child. There is going to be a whole generation of people who don’t know how to compete (and be sportsmanlike about it), win, lose or draw. And *that* is going to have further reaching effects when it comes time for them to go to college, get jobs (keep jobs) and participate in the global arena. We’re doing them a disservice by over-coddling.
Ok, I like this article. Having said that, I’ve done the “hide your veggies” thing but, I’ve also balanced it with naked veggies and ordered my kids to eat them.
I was sharing my childhood antics with my kids and my oldest said to me, “Wow, you had a lot of fun growing up by keeping yourself busy and finding things to do.” So I try to make sure my kids come up with their own ways to have fun– for example: playing “Ghost in the graveyard” when they have friends over, doing extreme makeovers (they coerced the youngest kiddo into a session, made him up with a black eye and took pictures of him “getting the black eye.”
Good creative fun, sure, it’s hard for kids with all the distractions (internet, phones, etc.) but give them opportunities to develop it themselves.
Even Strawberry Shortcake was not young looking enough, because they’ve given her a new trampy look that is just sad.
Great post!
@Mack I totally agree. If we coddle our children until their 10 years old, how many good teaching years do we really have? We all know that when they reach “11″ is when they really start learning and listening
. I think our kids want us to set guidelines. They may not admit it, but knowing what to expect from us, they feel secure in our expectations of them.
@Erika I agree, sometimes because I said so is needed. My 12 yo always asks why, not to really learn why, but because it’s an argument he has learned to ‘wear down’ the adults in his life. I’m a little over exposed to his wearing down, so because I said so really hits home with me. Sometimes, no explanation is needed!
@DeafMom I remember the fun I had entertaining myself as a child too! The catching ants & putting them in a peanut butter jar (clean of course) and punching holes in the top with a steak knife tip. Thanks for reminding me to share these moments with my kids. I had forgotten how much fun I had doing nothing much.
@ToThink That brings back memories of when they said one of the Teletubbies was gay. Which one was it?
We still have to balance it with making our children grow up too fast. I’d love for my daughter to live at home for as long as possible, but she better move out before she reaches 30… is 30 the new 21?
[...] kids into eating the stuff you want them to, minus the tantrums and tears. Jessica(Quote from : 「If 40 Is the New 30, Is 18 the New 8?」) Missy Chase Lapine, The Sneaky Chef author has been more than just a little irritated with the [...]
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article s the New 30, Is 18 the New 8? | Remarkable Parents, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
wonderful post vicky, in my day, as if i am ancient, I put shredded carrots in the peanut butter to make it crunchy, yet I was also the mom who insisted on 3 different colors of veggies a day too. I see the youth attached to their phones and shake my head – am i such a fossil that I still don’t have one? Or am I perfectly Ok with not being so available.