Keeping Kids Safe – Increased Knowledge of Internet Safety (Part 3)

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Featured Guest Series

by Todd Jordan

In the previous articles we’ve talked about a variety of tools you could use to keep your kids safe online. There are browsers, suites, and toolbars, but each requires something not included in the package.  

That something is parental involvement.

Increase Your Knowledge

Internet safety is more about knowledge of the pitfalls and coming along side children instead of waging a war of prevention.  Each of the tools already mentioned require downloading, installing, setup, and monitoring.

That said, they lull parents into a false sense of security.  They make us tend to set and forget, and hope for the best.  What can we do to step out off attrition mode?

Get safety smart and get involved.

Get Safety Smart … Get Involved

So what’s a parent to do to get educated and take part?

I recommend play!   You can have a good time and learn a bit at the same time, so dig in!

Get an account on your kid’s favorite network  – (let’s take Faceboook for example, very popular these days)

 Step 1:  Set up your profile

1. Don’t share your birthdate – real friends will know, for the rest it doesn’t matter

2. Don’t share your phone number – again, your real life friends should already have this

3. Leave the address information blank – it adds no value, and those that need to know do

4. Leave the Political views blank – not only do your friends know, this is a magnet for trouble

5. Religious views – this is a safe one to fill in – but realize this won’t ward off folks of opposite beliefs

6. Instant message – leave it blank to start with

7. Work and college info – leave it blank – this is not picked up on by Facebook except for ads – there is no automatic connection with others involved

       
      A little more common sense about our profile

• What is in your profile is visible and searchable by others, at least in part?

• When you make someone a contact, they have much higher access to your profile information.

• Leaving fields blank isn’t dishonest. (Don’t be trapped into the myth that only predators keep information private)

• Anything shared with your profile that’s public is not only searchable, but likely to be permanently available in Internet archives.

Step 2:  Find your child’s profile and add them as a contact
Don’t give them a choice on this one. ( It’s not cool for most children, but don’t let that deter you)

Have them make you a friend.  – This will give you greater access to what they’ve posted in their profile and what they share on that service.

Step 3:  Invite them to a game – this the fun part

1.  Find something age appropriate

2.  Find something they like to play

3.  Don’t badger them about it.

Step 4: Leave them alone - Note: This is the hardest step

That’s right – don’t pester them, constantly write on their wall, or send them messages.  They live with you!

1.  Don’t ignore them.  Leaving them alone does not mean not checking in on them. This is where having them as friends on Facebook comes in handy.

2.  Read their wall posts. 

3.  Check their status updates.  This will allow you to see what they write about.

4.  Breathe.  Yes, once you start reading what your children have to say, breathe.  Your kids are going to talk about things that might make you uneasy or wonder if they are your child.  Step back and compare what you’re reading online to what you see in person.  Apply common sense.

5.  Don’t confront them online.  Trust me, this crosses so many boundaries it isn’t worth the trouble. Key is that it calls them out in front of their peers.  That will be an immediate trust destroyer.   Do your talking offline and away from the computer.

So you’ve signed onto your first social network and you and your child aren’t total enemies yet.  That’s really good, but now what? 

It’s a patience game, the next step to online safety is patient observation.

Getting Involved…  Patient Observation

Before we go on, here’s a tip, ‘poking’ is not usually a stand in word for Sex.  Poking is a social tool on Facebook, and other networks to essentially be a virtual poke just like you’d poke someone in real life with your finger, akin to a nudge. That is all on that.

* Watch the groups they join - Facebook, and other social networks online provide chat rooms and groups to join. Pay close attention to which ones she joins. Facebook doesn’t police these groups, nor are they locked by age or other criteria. If you can’t tell by the description if it’s safe, only then join it yourself.

* Watch what applications they add - 99% of Facebook applications are harmless fun and timewasters – few should cause concern. Here the worry is more about age appropriate. There are adult games out there. Oh, you won’t find nudity, but lots of sexual innuendo and sex related topics show their face. Many applications involve a blase attitude towards violence. Use your best judgement.

Note: these applications can be addictive. Beware adding too many to your own profile.

* Check out what they post – All social networks allow posting text, but Facebook allows posting of video, recordings, and pictures as well. It also encourages link sharing. The thing you’re watching for here more than them talking about sex, or other things test the waters with, but is your child being safe in what they share

1.  Are they sharing their address, even remotely close?

2.  Are they telling their age?

3.  Are they giving out their full name and ways to reach them?

4.  Are they arranging to meet people you don’t know or know aren’t safe?

5.  What are other people sharing with your child

Article Wrapup…  Main Takeaways

Joining your son or daughter on social networks is just one way to get closer to them and minimize the risks of their online life.  That won’t always be possible, nor is every community going to be one you’ll feel comfortable joining. 

The tips and tricks above though can be applied in general towards your shared experience with them.

* Be careful what you share – Name, age, address and phone number are the most important ones to be careful with.  Predators of all types will latch onto this information.

* Be careful where you go – Not all groups and communities are problems, but some are more trouble than others. Set the same standards for yourself that you set for your child here.  Avoid obvious pitfalls such as ‘adult’ rooms, and rooms you’d wouldn’t want your teen to visit.

* Be careful who you friend – Just as you will keep back some of your information for safety, others will keep it back for more devious reasons. Watch who you daughter talks to online by observing the conversations you can.  Likewise, don’t trust someone you talk to with too much personal information.  If you aren’t in person friends already, no reason to give out too much.  Kids make this mistake a lot.

* Looks for early signs of trouble – This goes along with some of the above as well. Be wary of folks asking constantly for full name, address, age, or phone number. Keep on the lookout for those sharing photos of themselves that are provocative or increasingly so. Also, if they’ve got something that they need money for, that’s another sign of potential trouble. Kids are easily taken in by their desire to help.

All in all, being online isn’t the riskiest place in the world, but the ease of access makes it easily accessible for trouble makers.  Think about it as a huge social mixer with folks you don’t know. If you wouldn’t share it or take it on board from those folks, then don’t do it online.

This series has been fun to write and made me really set down and think.  Thank you Vicky for inviting me to tackle such an important subject, and thank you readers for coming on board.  I’ve appreciated the feedback and suggestions and can’t wait to visit here again.

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Related Posts:

• Facebook Tutorial – The Basics  (ParentPowerIndex.com)
• Bridging The Communication Divide With Blogging (ParentPowerIndex.com)
• How Using Social Media Has Helped Me Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• How Social Media Has Taught Me To Be A Better Dad (RemarkableParents.com)
• If 40 Is The New 30, Is 18 The New 8 (RemarkableParents.com)

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Featured Guest Writer BIO:

Todd’s blog is The Broad Brush and his interests include activities with his church, online safety and awareness, social media, and multimedia. 

He is  an avid social media user and  a member of the Christian Men of Twitter.