Posted May 25th, 2009 by Vicky H in Parenting, Quality Time
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Research consistently shows that kids benefit from relationships with caring adults in addition to their parents.
A study of 1,000 young people for Big Brothers Big Sisters showed that, compared to other groups, children with mentors were
- 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs
- 27% less likely to begin using alcohol
- 53% less likely to skip school
- 33% less likely to engage in school violence
In addition to the above statistics, mentored children also showed improved relationships with both their peers and their family’s.
A Mentor’s Story
Disheartening statistics isn’t what lured me into becoming a mentor, but my personality traits of being helpful, having a giving heart, and believing in volunteer work that I believe sparked my interest in becoming a mentor.
A friend had mentioned that she had been a ‘Big Sister’ in her early 20s. At that time I was 24 and had been on my own and supporting myself for 5 years. I realized that I had extra time to take on a commitment like mentoring a child and after all the paperwork and background checks had been done, I spoke with a BBBS counselor named Neal with the Big Brothers & Big Sisters organization, .
Since it was Neal’s job was to match me with a Little Sister, I made sure he knew that I wanted the youngest girl available. I had decided this wasn’t going to be ‘just a mentoring‘ relationship but instead a ‘lifelong friend‘.
Renee
On August 16, 1997 I met Renee. She was 7 years old, which is younger than BBBS’s 8 year old requirement, but because of extending circumstances she was allowed to enter the program early.
The girls’ mother, in my opinion, gave her girls the best gift she could ever give them, especially since she was terminally ill, Renee and her three older sisters all had Big Sisters.
In the years to come not only did I help her with homework, take her places, make special projects, but I also made sure I got to know her family to help her understand and manage the relationships she had with her sisters, mother, and step-father.
Other than always touching base and becoming a part of her family I made her a part of mine and took her to all my family functions over the years.
Part Of Our Family
Renee was there when I got married, had my first two sons, and she was close enough to experience the pregnancy with my third son on a daily basis. Due to her Mother’s illness, she became a permanent part of our family prior to having our third son. That’s right — we filed for custody of her when her mother was no longer able to care for her.
As you can see this relationship has gone above and beyond any mentoring relationship that I know of, and for that we are so proud.
I can honestly say though that I’ve learned just as much or more from her as she has learned from me. Now that I look back on the experience, while she was young , it seems to me that I was a “parent-in-training” because a lot of the things I did with her I’m also doing with my own kids. Wow!
Mentoring Resources
There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.
Mentor.org:
Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net:
Boys & Girls Clubs of America:
Remarkable Parents Team Bio:
Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana. Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force. Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention. She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.
If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit her website City Chick on a Farm.
Let’s Talk
We can all use a mentor at some point in our life.
Who has been a big influence for you and how did he/she change your life?
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Comments (7)
I’ve always had an interest in being a big sister for BBBS but never fully understood why and as a result have never gone through with it. I now have a nine year old daughter of my own, but will seriously reconsider my inaction. I never thought of it as gaining another lifelong family friend, but I certainly do now.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing this powerful story. I can think of no greater service than to step up and be there for a child. I recently saw a news story on a senior citizen who became a big brother. The story reminded me that no matter what age you are, you have something to give. The stuff we accumulate in life is truly without meaning but the lives we touch and the relationships we develop are beyond measure and far more valuable than anything else we shall ever do in this lifetime.
Interestingly enough I’ve only thought about foster care but was unsure if I could make such a big commitment at this time in my life.
Actually this is a great option for me and I’m giving it some serious thought.
@SherryMartz I know each week/month differed, but on average how much time is needed per month?
@karenswim I totally agree, it’s all about relationships and touching lives. When we give to others we get so much back ourselves. It’s incredible.
@Sara I’m thinking of this in a new light now too. I think I was overcomplicating my perception.
Powerful stats and kind of gives a fresh idea about the whole nature versus nurture debate doesn’t it?
The requirements that BBBS has when you begin the program is 4 hours a week, with no sleep overs for the first year. That was manageable for me at the time.
I’m so touched my story has brought a new perception to being a Mentor and what it really means. Thanks for the responses, and I think I’ll write more about my mentoring/new friendship experience on my website.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing this moving story. I feel a need to be there for a child in need, and this is very motivational. Your article is touching people’s hearts.
[...] post is another building block after Mentoring Comes From the Heart, so if you would like to know who Renee is please read that post first. Furthermore, [...]