Pre-solution to the Pre-problem

Desktop wallpaper http://www.GilmoreMemories.com

I was reading “Watching Your Teens Favorite TV Shows Is Important“  and it brought back a flood of great memories.

I remembered when Kay and I used to watch The Gilmore Girls (2000-2007) together every tuesday night for almost six years.

The Series

This series was not so far off of where we were at that time as a family.

Loreli is a single mother raising her 13 year old daughter Rory in a small town.  Loreli was fairly young when she had Rory so they some what ‘grow up together’ but when push comes to shove in their relationship, and parenting was needed, the series presented life lessons in a humorous but intelligent way.

The Casual Conversation

What was so great about this time together, was we could goof off, have fun, and have a casual conversation.   We talked about everything from college, to fashion, to money, to dating and beyond.  I learned so much about her from 6 years of this casual talk and I’m sure she learned a lot about me.

But the most important thing was we grew closer, we developed a closer relationship, we learned to share with each other, to agree as well as disagree (and if there is one thing you want to be able to do with your pre-teen, it’s learn how to thoughtfully disagree).

Proposing A Solution Before The Problem

The other pre-problem solution I found that worked well was the sharing of a proposed solution for the proposed problem before it became a problem.  For instance, back in the day (about 5 or 6 years ago) before cell phones and texting became so popular, there was IM (instant messaging).  Which is pretty much sending instant short messages on the computer to an individual or group of friends real-time (when they were online at the same time you were and received the message instantly).

I noticed she started acting a little peculiar when I walked past the computer, as if she had something to hide.  After thinking about this for a little while, I decided she needed a personal IM monitor, someone caring, compassionate… her little brother.  After two days of brother IM monitoring Kay came inquiring.  I explained that she seemed to be misusing the computer, her brother loved spending time with her, knew how to read and that I thought they needed to spend more ‘time’ together.  Then I dropped bomb number two, saying “You know, if I can’t trust you on the computer, I can buy key tracking software that will track every letter you type on that keyboard.  Of course, I don’t want to invade your privacy, but I want you to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  I hope you don’t make me do that because I would feel terrible having to spy on you like that”.

Being a pretty bright girl, it only took her seconds to realize that she didn’t want this outcome.  We sat down and talked and came to an agreement.

I never purchased that tracking software and I’m glad I never had to.  Sometimes you can proactively avoid a problem if you communicate a strong, direct message before there really becomes a problem.

Let’s Talk

Have you ever had something that you’ve done with your kids that has opened up your relationship, trust, and brought you so much closer that you would like to share? I think we’d all like to get pointers on what works for staying close to our kids!

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• How Technology Helps Me Be A Better Dad
• If 40 Is the New 30, Is 18 the New 8?
• How to Prevent Your Child From Being A TV or Video Game Addict

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