The Parallel From Mentoring To Parenting

by Sherry Martz

 
First Meeting and First Outing (Sherry & Renee)

“Mentoring is not just your relationship between you and the child, but their relationship with their environment (parents, siblings, friends. and authority).”

This post is another building block after Mentoring Comes From the Heart, so if you would like to know who Renee is please read that post first.  Furthermore, I’ve written two more posts on my website about A Mentoring Heart, which is about the day we met; and Responsible for Someone Child, which is about our first outing. 

Lessons Learned

During the 11 years that I mentored I learned a lot about parenting and I’m also doing some of the same things with my boys that I did with Renee.  Some of the lessons my mentoring experience taught me were:

1.  Kids are more respectful to those who respect them.
2.  Kids learn more by mirroring what they see not what you say.
3.  Kids truly want to please adults.
4.  Kids need positive feedback more than negative.
5.  Kids want and need quality time with you.
6.  Kids need to feel special.

Most Valuable Lesson

The most valuable thing I did was getting to know Renee’s family.  By doing that I got a glimpse of her family life and I was able to help her when she struggled with family relationships with her sisters and parents..

Every time I would pick Renee up and spend some quality time with her I would take the extra time and go inside and spend time with the family too.  Usually one of her three older sisters would have something to show me, or something they needed to tell me.  I would also chat with her Mom and see how she was feeling or she would specifically ask me help her with a behavior issue or schoolwork with Renee. 

Then there was the step Father, who was in jail for the first year I knew Renee.  When he was released I made it a point to get to know him and show interest in things he was interested in.  He loved fresh water aquariums and I had one too!  There was my opportunity!

Parallel’s With Parenting

Here is one example of many parallels . . .

Now that almost all of my sons are in school I’m staying plugged into their lives not only here at home but at school too.  Here is the parallel.  Since I’m already the parent and know their home life I need to be plugged into the times where there away from me, which in this occasion is school.  During the school year I stay in contact with the teacher and volunteer once a week. 

By creating a relationship with the teacher I learn her style of teaching and how she runs her classroom.  By knowing this I can better help my sons if they are struggling or have a concern. 

Secondly by volunteering I’m blessed with the opportunity to get to know the other kids that he spends his day with.  That way if he’s struggling with a particular child I have some insight on their personality, and how to better help the situation.  Furthermore, I hole heartedly believe if the other kids know me they are more likely to be nice to my son and not bully him.  

So as you can see this parallel in this example is to be “plugged in“, in all aspects of their lives, which not only makes for a good mentor, but also a Remarkable Parent.  Wow look at how I fit that right in there!  j/k

What I Got

So for me being a mentor was nothing less than a gift for my family and our future in many ways.  Such as:

*  I learned just as much or more from Renee as she learned from me.

*  I began to think about the type of parent I waned to be prior to having kids.

*  I had an insight on how much children mirror and pay attention to your actions more than your words, because it was cute when I would see myself in Renee.

And there’s soooooo much more!

If you’ve ever thought of being a mentor you will be amazed with how much you learn and can incorporate into your life, how much the child learns, and the biggest gift of all is seeing the child succeed in their hopes and dreams. 

Renee was 7 years old when I met her, she was held back in 3rd grade but still graduated in her original graduation year, and is how a Military Police officer in the Air Force.  What a gift both her and I received by being a part of each others lives (as I smile with a tear in my eye).

There are a variety of different organizations that can assist you in becoming a mentor if you‘re interested in creating a mentoring story of your own.

Mentor.org: Life Coaches For Kids:
Mentor Net: Boys & Girls Clubs of America:

 Let’s Talk

What have you learned from a child?   There are many ways to be a mentor, mentors are coaches, boy scout leaders,  sunday school teachers and many others that I’m forgetting.

Help us list examples of giving back to a child in your life, what you have done and how you feel it has enriched both of your lives.

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Related Posts:

• Being a Role Model is More Important Than Being a Celebrity (Dadomatic.com)
• What Are You Putting At Stake as a Parent?  (RemarkableParents.com)
• Are You a Good Role Model? (parenting.com)
• A Parents Job as a Role Model (healthyplace.com)

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 Remarkable Parents Team Bio:

Sherry Martz is a 36 year old wife and mother of three sons who lives on a black angus cattle farm in Indiana.  Since 1997 she’s been a mentor to an inner city young lady who is now in the Air Force.   Sherry is an active volunteer at her sons’ school on a weekly basis and helps kids who are struggling and need extra 1 on 1 attention.  She and her husband own two successful businesses for which she does the administrative end.

If you would like to contact Sherry you can find her on Twitter at @citychiconafarm or visit  her website City Chick on a Farm.